


Pedal to the metal (let the devil lead me blind)

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Some Drug Use, Toni rides a motorcycle, shelby is a church girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: Toni rides a motorcycle and has a bit of a chip on her shoulder.Shelby is trying hard to stay in her parents good graces and has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 114
Kudos: 918





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Detours by Jordan Davis.
> 
> Let me know what you think?   
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Everyone knew who Shelby Goodkind was. It was a relatively small town, and whether you knew her from school, or from around town, or from pageants, or from the fact she was the daughter of the most loved pastor in town; you knew Shelby Goodkind. 

Toni had known Shelby GoodKind through school. They went to the same school up until their freshman year when Toni had been shipped off downtown after another of her foster fathers turned out to be getting a little bit too close with some of the kids. 

She and Shelby weren’t particularly close, they had only spoken a handful of times, and even those times weren't particularly friendly. 

The 'biker gang' had been something, surprisingly, Fatin had brought her into. Toni couldn't really afford a bike at first, so she had to swallow her pride and ride in the back of Fatin's far too pink bike at first.

But Toni worked hard, working in the shady mechanics just out side of town, every day after school that she didn't have basketball, and every weekend until she got enough to get a half decent bike. 

Honda Rebel 300. She had to fix the brake line and replace the seized alternator. 

But it worked, and it looked good when Toni got done with the spray paint. 

The gang wasn’t what Toni had initially expected. Toni expected a violent group of teens and young adults who broke the law daily. What she found was a group of teenage girls who had found a family and safety in a group of people who had been outcast by their family, and by society. 

It was nice, comforting to have people just straight up have your back, it was the real definition of ride or die. 

The people in downtown, for the most part, work hard to earn in a year a fraction of what the criminals in uptown earned in a week.

At first Toni didn’t go to uptown, out of fear of being ridiculed, or seeing someone she knew from school, or seeing her old foster parents, she knew he got off.

She didn’t plan on going anywhere near uptown until Fatin had suggested they go to a bar Toni immediately recognised as a bar across the road from Shelby’s families church (she remembers the huge uproar by the church when the bar opened). It also happened to be a place the girls would hang out because they didn't question your ID. 

Toni was down to go immediately. 

The first time Toni saw Shelby in almost a year she, Fatin and Dot were at the store just across the road from the church. Toni and Fatin were outside, waiting for Dot, laughing about some stupid story Fatin was telling. 

Toni shook her head at Fatin, glancing in the direction of the church (subconsciously she knew what she was looking for, she had spent most of her time outside the bar looking for any sign of her) doing a double take when her eyes scanned over blonde hair. 

Shelby was just outside the gates, clutching what seemed to be school books to her chest. The girl, prettier than Toni remembered, was talking politely with a young man. 

"Yeah, she got hotter somehow." Fatin said, prompting Toni to look away, shaking her head and shrugging. 

"Who?" 

"You know who," Fatin tutted. “Go ask her out. I'll call her over."

Toni slapped her arm before she could, her hand making a loud noise against the leather of her jacket. 

“Ouch, what the hell?”

Toni ignored her, her eyes not leaving Shelby, who glanced in her direction, also doing a double take, a little frown appearing on her face. 

Toni offered her a little smirk, nudging her head in a way of greeting the girl. 

Shelby smiled, head ducked, tucking hair behind her ear. Shelby didn’t seem to be listening to the man at this point, her eyes entirely focused on Toni, looking almost questioningly at her. 

Shelby’s attention was brought back to the man in front of her when he kissed her on the cheek. 

It was then Dot came back, throwing her leg over her bike and starting it up. 

Toni did the same, glancing over at Shelby when the bike was rumbling under her, her helmet poised in her hands. 

Shelby was back looking at her, which made Toni grin, giving Shelby a little wave, and she smiled, her head ducking shyly, which got the man’s attention, prompting him to glare back at Toni before turning to Shelby, no doubt to question her. 

Toni pulled on her helmet and drove off after Dot and Fatin. 

\--

"You should've just asked her out," Fatin reasoned, joint hanging from her lips as they chilled in their apartment. Well, Fatin's apartment, Fatin's large apartment, Toni and Dot just crashed there. 

"Who?" Toni questioned, knowing Fatin wasn't talking to Dot. 

"Shelby," Dot clarified, and Toni had to wonder just how many people knew of her crush on Shelby

Toni scoffed. "Okay, first off; I don't feel anything toward Shelby Goodkind. Secondly, Shelby? Repressed, God worshiping Shelby?" 

"It's always the people you least expect." 

Toni looked down at herself, dressed in her crew neck sweatshirt and basketball shorts, lounged halfway down the sofa, feet kicked up. She watched Fatin do the same. 

"Yeah, no, definitely." Toni agreed sarcastically. 

"Always the people you'd never expect." Fatin added, and both she and Toni shared a laugh. 

"You know what I mean," Dot argued. "In religious settings and shit, that breeds repression, and a lot of them in that setting are gay."

"I doubt Goodkind is, Dot." Toni said. 

"I dunno, she could be, or she could be repressed as a woman, and that's why she won't fuck her boyfriend."

Toni frowned at Dot. "What do you know about that?" 

"Well, I saw Maddie suck him off the other day."

"Seriously," Toni frowned as she sat up a little. "What a dick."

"Guys like that one want the best of both." Fatin said. "He wants Shelby for show, a trophy on his arm, but he also wants to get his dick wet."

Toni scowled, anger burning in her chest at how guys like that are what most consider normal, good, but Toni liking girls? God forbid. 

"We should make him pay," Toni suggested. 

"For Shelby?" Dot grinned. 

"No, fuck Shelby," Toni waved her hand dismissively. 

"You wish," Fatin murmured, but Toni ignored her, hoping to her feet.

"Let's go do something to get back at him for being such a dickhead." Toni said. "Come on, guys like this can't keep getting away with this shit."

Fatin shrugged. "I'm always up for fucking over cheating men." 

Dot sighed. "Not too much damage, okay."

Toni bounced in her toes like a giddy teenager. 

The damage wasn't that bad. 

They parked their bikes just down the street, all easily strolling down the nice neighbourhood, knowing no one would really do anything around them being there. Besides, Fatin fit in with this lot, Toni and Dot? They very much did not. 

They sprayed up his car with a few choice words and a few phallic imagines, then Toni got a little carried away, because of course she did, pulling out her ballistic knife, pressing the opening against one of his tired and hitting the button, causing the knife to spring out and into the rubbed. 

"Toni!" Dot scolded and Fatin just laughed, snatching the knife from Toni and doing another tire. Dot sighed. "Only hit three of them, the insurance won't do shit if its three."

Fatin grinned, flipping the knife to hold the blade, handle out stretched to Dot. "He's an ass hole."

"He really is," Dot grumbled. 

Dot had just put the knife into the tire when the porch light flicked on. 

"Shit," Toni pushed at her friends as they stumbled out of their crouching position and took off down the road laughing. 


	2. Chapter 2

Toni spent a lot of time at the bar, usually sitting outside in her bike with a few of the girls, so she kept an eye on the church just across the road. 

She saw Shelby about half the time she was at the bar, and Shelby saw her right back, at first by accident then it was clear to Toni that Shelby made a point of looking over at her, and that was the start of it.

The start of them staring at each other from across the street --worlds away, really--, of Shelby giving Toni a shy smile in reply to Toni's grin and head nod. 

At this point Toni looked forward to going to the bar on the off chance she would see Shelby. 

It was a month of stolen glances and shy smiles before they finally spoke. 

Toni had been smoking, lying back on her bike, one leg swinging, when she heard the arguing, prompting her to sit up. 

It was Shelby and Andrew, and Shelby looked  _ mad.  _

Toni couldn't really hear anything that was being said, but the hand gestures were enough for her to know it was serious. 

Then Andrew grabbed Shelby and pulled her in closer. Toni slowly stood when Shelby glanced away from Andrew, her eyes finding Toni's, and Toni could  _ see  _ the fear.

"Hey," Toni snapped, taking off running, catching Fatin and Leah's attention, both scrambling to catch up with her. 

Toni shoved roughly at Andrew's chest, causing him to stumble away from Shelby, Toni placing herself between. "The fuck is wrong with you?" 

"Me?" Toni scoffed, scowling at Andrew, who took two steps toward her, but stopped when Leah and Fatin appeared, Dot and Rachel watching carefully from across the street. 

Andrew released an angry breath through his nose, his angry eyes on Shelby as he pointed at her. "This ain't over."

"Break that fucking finger," Toni reached out to grab Andrew, Leah just barely managing to stop her. 

"Fucking animal," Andrew scowled befoee turning and walking away. 

Leah pushed Toni back when Andrew was out of sight. "You need better training," 

Toni grinned at Leah as she and Fatin headed back across the road.

Shelby was staring at her with a look of surprise when Toni turned to her. "You alright?" Toni asked, moving closer to brush her fingertips against the red marks on Shelby's upper arm. "Dickhead."

"I'm okay," Shelby said quietly, and when toni looked up at her she was staring back with a look Toni couldn't quite pin point, but it made her stomach churn. 

"Right, yeah." Toni nodded, taking a step back. "Cool. See you around."

Toni turned to leave, but Shelby spoke up before she could get more than two steps away. 

"Thank you," Shelby said, waiting for Toni to turn before elaborating. "For coming over, and for getting him away, he has been insufferable recently."

"Trouble in paradise?" Toni asked, hands tucked away in the pockets of her shorts. 

"Something like that," Shelby hummed. 

Toni nodded, jabbing her thumb toward the bar. "You want a drink."

"Oh god, no." Shelby huffed out a laugh. "My parents would  _ kill  _ me if they saw me drinking." 

"One'a the perks of not having any, I guess." Toni said with a little shrug."You think he's dangerous?" 

"I could take him," Shelby shrugged easily. 

"That right?" Toni asked in a laugh, eyebrows raised. 

"I'm much hardier than I look, you know?" Shelby squared her shoulders, and Toni found herself intrigued by Shelby. 

"You real tough, Texas?" Toni was teasing, and she could tell by the sparkle in Shelby's eyes that she knew that, which was a relief, most didn't. 

"Oh, only the toughest." Shelby said, and if this was anyone else Toni would think she was being flirted with. "You don't know the kind of reputation I had back in Texas."

"Oh, scandalous," Toni grinned, taking a step toward Shelby, chin tilted up. Cocky, Fatin would say. "Tell me more?" 

"Oh, those stories aren't privy to someone who isn't my friend."

"Toni," Toni held her hand out in the small space between then, grin crooked, head tilted. "Aries."

The joke made Shelby chuckle, her hand finding Toni's. "Even though we've known each other for years. Shelby, Capricorn."

"Dope, now, about those stories."

Shelby laughed, her head ducking as she shook it. "Not friends."

"What? That's ridiculous, you know my star sign." Toni offered a little grin when Shelby peered up at her through her eyelashes. "S'fine, I'll just go make up stories of my own, then."

"You'll make them far more scandalous than they were." Shelby accused, and Toni was sure they had somehow gotten closer, hands between them still. 

"Count on it," Toni nodded, taking a quick step back and retracting her hand when the church doors opened, revealing Shelby's parents. 

"Everything okay here?" her mom asked, eyeing Toni like she was dirt.

"Everything's fine, mom." Shelby assured, taking a recipe out from her bag along with a pen and began scribbling. "Toni just needed the school number."

Shelby handed the paper over, and Toni frowned down at it as she nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Shelby." Toni held up the paper with a tight lipped smile before turning and heading back to her bike. 

Toni couldn't not smile when she opened the folded paper to see Shelby's name and number on it. 

She looked up at Shelby just as Shelby glanced her way, trailing behind her parents toward the car. 

Toni was curious, she had always thought of Shelby as one of those brainwashed kids of those crazy religious people, but that was in school, a year ago, something must have changed in that time. 

Toni spent too much time thinking about the piece of paper in her pocket, waiting until she was at home and in bed before saving in onto her phone. 

**That's one smooth way to give someone your number, Texas.**

  
  


Toni hit send before she could question if it was too much, dropping her phone onto the bed and wrapping her arms around her pillow. 

She waited, staring at her phone, honestly not expecting a reply at all. But then her phone lit up after a few minutes. 

_ I just wanted to thank you for coming over today.  _

_ Maybe with coffee or something? _

If this had been anyone else Toni would have made a cheeky, flirtatious comment, but this was Shelby Goodkind, she was sure god would strike her down right there for even thinking about it. 

**You don't gotta do that**

**It was nothing, I hate that dude**

_ I want to.  _

_ If you do, of course _

**You wanna get coffee with me?**

**I don't think we quite fit, texas**

_ No?  _

_ What makes you think that?  _

**Lets just say we run in different circles.**

**And your circle will definitely be dicks if they see you with the likes of me.**

_ Well I'm trying this new thing _

_ Where I try and care a little less about what people think of me. _

**I'm always down to stick it too christian assholes.**

**I'll get coffee with ya.**

_ Tomorrow? After school or something. _

**Sure**

**Just let me know where and I'll meet you there at four.**

_ I will let you know tomorrow.  _

_ Night.  _

**Night, Texas.**

Toni wanted to be tentative, she knew about Shelby's dad, a dude who was so clearly gay himself, and how he had put other kids through therapy for it. She knew where Shelby stood, too, she had seen how Shelby looked at her whenever she had Regan pressed against the lockers, or when they held hands. 

She knew where Shelby stood but she found herself unable to truly blame her for it. Sure, she had lashed out a few times (she was trying to work on that but people seemed to have a nack for knowing how to piss Toni off), but she knew deep down it wasn't Shelby's fault she was raised by fuckwits. 

And she hated it but Fatin and Dot were right, Toni had had a crush on Shelby since she was in middle school. She tried to get over it, and she did with Regan, she _loved_ Regan but almost as soon as she saw Shelby again that same crush hit her square in the chest and hasn't really let up since. 

And something with Shelby had changed since Toni had seen her last, just the way she carried herself seemed that much more confident, shoulders back, chin up, instead of her chin tucked into her chest, hunched into herself.

And Toni was a determined kid, she was going to find out what was going on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? I hope you all have a lovely Christmas!
> 
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Toni headed to the cafe straight after school, deciding to do some homework while she waited. 

Shelby was, unsurprisingly, five minutes early, almost giving Toni the fright of her life when she threw herself into the seat across from her. 

"Jesus fuck, Shelby."

"Language," Shelby warned, giving Toni a look, and Toni her a look of her own, telling Shelby there was no way she was going to stop. "You're early. What are you workin' on?" 

"Just math stuff," Toni shrugged, stuffing her things into her back pack. 

Shelby nodded, motioning toward the bag. "Where do you go now?" 

"Downtown, got moved to a new family." Toni shrugged easily, slouching in the chair, one hand on the table, short nails tapping and picking the wood. 

"How is it?" 

"Probably how you expect," Toni said with a little grin. "Seventy five percent you get stabbed before lunch, if you don't fit into that seventy-five percent being stabbed that's because you're in the twenty five percent doing the stabbing."

"Oh, really?" Shelby laughed, resting her elbows on the table and leaning closer. And Toni was kind of thrown for a second at just how pretty this girl was. "Which side do you fall into?" 

"Depends on the day, if I got my weeties that morning." Toni shrugged. 

Shelby chuckled. "Fair enough," 

Toni watched her carefully as her head dropped, eyes on her hands, and Toni suddenly remembered what had happened the day before. 

"How has everything been?" Toni questioned carefully, sitting up straight and mirroring Shelby, leaning in close. 

The closeness seemed to startle Shelby, who had started to speak but trailed off in a stutter, then shrugged. "Uh, yeah, okay."

"So, you're a shit liar, then?" Toni grinned, her tilted when Shelby glared up at her. "Do I need to beat him up?" 

"No," Shelby chuckled. "He didn't--it wasn't physical he was just mad."

"About what, anyway?" 

"Him cheating," 

Toni could only blink a few times as she processed those words. "So, he was mad at you for him cheating?" 

"Yeah, I guess."

"No," Toni frowned. "No, that's not how that works."

"It has to be, I need Andrew."

"Why?" 

"I just-" Shelby closed her eyes, taking a breath. "I just need a boyfriend."

"But why does it need to be him?" Toni asked, surprised when Shelby laughed, shaking her head a little before opening her eyes. 

"Who else would date me?" 

Toni frowned deeper, leaning a little closer. "Everyone, Shelby."

Toni really thought Shelby might have been fishing for compliments, but the look of pure shock that appeared on her face told Toni otherwise. 

"You don't know that," it wasn't a question, more of a realisation spoken out loud, but Shelby was shaking her head, frowning. 

"It's not true. I know the things people say about me behind my back." 

"Yeah, 'cause they're jealous." Toni said, like it was so glaringly obvious, and it was, to everyone bar Shelby, apparently. 

Shelby lifted her head, eyes finding Toni's, both leaning across the table, both closer to each other than they had ever been, yet not close enough for it to be any kind of suspicious. 

"If they knew they wouldn't be," Shelby admitted quietly, her eyes flickering away, then back to Toni. She was nervous, Toni noted. 

"Yeah, that tends to be the case, wear that mask, make sure no one knows what really goes down." Toni nodded. "You wanna talk about yours?" 

"No," Shelby answered quickly, definitively. So Toni nodded once, which was enough to ease Shelby. "You?" 

"Nah, not really." Toni shook her head. "So, Texas, what do you want to talk about?" 

"How about the gang you hang out with?" 

Toni shook her head. "Sorry, not much to tell. Just group'a girls who hang out."

Shelby nodded, glancing away for a second before looking back, a new kind of intensity in her eyes. "Can we stop pretending we know each other? Just because we've known each other for years doesn't mean we know each other. Maybe we should just start from the beginning."

"Sure," Toni agreed with a nod. "Toni Shalifoe, junior at Shields high, basketball player, work at the mechanics just by that creepy garage with the one eyed cat."

"The what?" 

"Oh, there is this cat, proper gangster scar over its eye, eye missing completely." Toni explained. "She is very friendly, called Ginger."

"Right," Shelby nodded, a slow smile pulling on her lips. 

"Am I gonna get a name to put alongside a pretty face?" Toni said, that little grin on her lips, and she knows Shelby blushes, looking down as she tucked her hair behind her ear and laughed nervously. 

Shelby tutted and rolled her eyes, but Toni knew she was going to play along.

"Shelby Goodkind, junior at Mission Hill High school, student president, pageant Queen, candy stripe girl, just a pretty face." Shelby gave a fake smile. 

"I don't believe that." Toni shook her head. "You've got more about you then just your pretty face, I'd say." 

"You don't know anything about me," 

"No," Toni agreed. "But I reckon I'm alright at reading people."

"Oh," Shelby arched her eyebrows, a challenge, Toni sensed. "and what's your read on me, Toni."

"Friends aren't privy to that information, Texas." Toni shot back, smug little grin on her lips. 

And Shelby, fucking Shelby, her eyelids fluttered, eyes dropping and lingering on Toni's lips, and suddenly they were too fucking close for Toni's liking. 

This was dangerous, girls like Shelby only cause heartbreak, she knew that, so she needed to nip this crush in the bud right away. 

Toni cleared her throat, leaning back in her seat again. "Anyway, you wanting a drink?" 

"Uh, I-" Shelby was frowning, then shook her head as she grabbed her purse and stood, Toni straightened, expecting Shelby to leave. "What do you want?"

"What?" Toni frowned. 

"To drink, what do you want?" 

"Right," Toni shook her head. "Just a black coffee."

"Surprising," Shelby tossed over her shoulder with a teasing grin, and Toni felt her thundering heart ease slightly. 

Toni took the time Shelby was away to calm herself down, quickly texting her group chat with Dot and Fatin because it hadn't shut up since Toni got here 

Fatin:

The silence is making me think something juicy is happening

Dot:

Bet they didn't even go for coffee

Fatin:

😝

✌️

Toni:

You guys are gross

Were getting coffee

Nothing is going to happen, 

She's just saying thank you

Dot: With her tongue maybe 

Toni tutted and rolled her eyes, stuffing her phone into the pocket of her jacket. 

"Leaving?" Shelby asked, eyeing Toni unsurely as she set their drinks down. 

"Nah, few buddy's of mine are being dicks." Toni shrugged, wrapping her hands around the mug as she leaned forward again, elbows on the wood. "You want me to leave?" 

Shelby looked at her, sincere as she shook her head. "No," 

"S'good then, eh?" Toni gave a little smile, her eyebrows lifting and dropping. 

"So, you're a mechanic?" Shelby asked, and Toni gave her a little grin.

"We getting to know each other?" she tilted her head. 

"Why not?" Shelby shrugged. "We're stuck here at least until we finish these drinks."

Toni would never admit this to anyone, but she was kinda charmed by Shelby's teasing smile and playful eyes. 

"Might need to go to the bathroom, use the window." Toni grinned behind her mug, and she knew this was getting a little flirtatious, but Shelby definitely didn't seem to mind. 

"Well, until then I would like to learn as much as I can about you."

"You're gonna be disappointed," Toni shrugged. "I ain't that special."

"How about I be the judge of that?" Shelby's head tilted, eyes narrows, grin teasing. 

Toni's mind halted for a second. Was Shelby flirting with her? No. No, she was just this friendly, right? 

"Okay, ask away, Texas." Toni tilted her chin up, challenging Shelby. 

"You're a mechanic?" Shelby asked again. 

"Not technically, cash in hand kinda thing, but if you need your nice car fixed I can definitely do that." Toni offered. 

"I'll keep that in mind for future," Shelby said. "How did you get into that?" 

"Needed money to get a bike," Toni answered. "You the only one allowed to ask questions?"

"Yup," Shelby smiled. "It's a nice bike, what kind is it?"

"Honda Rebel 300," Toni said. "You know anything about bikes?"

"Not really. I think they are really cool, though quite dangerous." 

"You ever been on one?" Toni admired, leaning forward when Shelby shook her head, setting her mug down between then. "You wanna?" 

"Yours?" 

"Yeah," Toni shrugged. 

"No," Shelby shook her head once. "No. They are dangerous." 

"The bike or lesbians?" Toni challenged, and she didn't want to start any kind of fight with Shelby but old habits and all that. 

"The bike," Shelby rolled her eyes, looking genuinely exasperated.

"Sure?" 

"I don't hate--I have no hatred toward you or anyone like you, Toni."

"No? Your parents do."

"I know," Shelby nodded. "And I did, too, less than a year ago in fact. I thought it was wrong, a sin, disgusting. But the-- well, people change, Toni. I don't believe that anymore. I don't believe God would make people just for us to hate."

That genuinely surprised Toni, who leaned back a little, eyebrows raised. 

"Why would he make people gay if he wanted people to hate them. He doesn't make mistakes."

Toni nodded slowly. "Alright. I'm not much for religion myself, but I suppose that outlook ain't a bad one."

Shelby nodded, staring down at her drink. "So no, Toni. I don't think you're dangerous. Well, not because you're a lesbian, but you can be kind of scary."

Toni grinned and squared her shoulder. "Scary is what I'm usually aiming for."

"Well, you always hit the mark, then." Shelby said, little smile on her lips as she took a sip of her drink, eyes not leaving Toni's.

And Toni wasn't one to back down, staring right back, her tongue peaking out to wet her lips, and that was enough to get Shelby's eyes to flicker down briefly. 

Toni wasn't going to read too much into that. 

"Well, the offer stands, Texas. You ever wanna live a little call me, I'm sure I can make it happen." She was flirting, and so openly that even Shelby noticed. 

Shelby looked surprised, blinking a few times, then she was blushing, looking down and away from Toni.

She didn't look scared. Disgusted. Horrified. 

"I think I will probably take you up on that offer." Shelby said, peering at Toni through her eyelashes, bashful. 

Toni was thrown completely off kilter. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you should."

Shelby stared for a few more seconds before straightening. "Basketball, huh?" 

"Yeah," Toni puffed out her chest slightly. 

"What position?" 

"You know basketball? I would've pinned you as the all American baseball type."

Shelby rolled her eyes, this time in goodnature, telling Toni Shelby knew she was kidding around. After a few seconds both girls broke into a smile. 

"Point guard," Toni said. 

"And you're good?" Shelby asked and Toni nodded, definitively, no hesitation. 

"I am. I'm on track for Stanford, if I keep my nose clean."

Shelby's smiled this tender smile that caused Toni's heart to stutter, there was a hint of something there, and at first Toni couldn't figure out what, then it clicked. 

Pride. Shelby was proud of her.

"That's amazing, Toni."

Toni shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "It'd be cool." Toni let her hands fall onto the table, her cheeks heating up when Shelby grabbed them and squeezed. 

"Cool? It's amazing. Stanford, Toni. What are you going to study?" 

"I haven't got in yet," Toni laughed. 

"I have all the faith you will," 

"Well, I hope I don't disappoint you." Toni said. 

"I wouldn't be, even if you didn't get in. This kinda stuff is tought, and it's bias." Shelby was being careful, so not to send Toni off, so not to say anything shitty, but in reality Toni appreciated the sentiment. 

So she gave Shelby's hand a squeeze, startling her. "Relax, your fine."

Shelby nodded. "Right. Right, sorry."

"S'fine. You don't have to filter yourself around me, you know? I ain't gonna tell anyone anything said here, and I ain't in any position to judge, about anything."

Shelby scoffed as she glanced away, pulling her hands back. "You have no idea."

"You a Republican?" Toni asked, tongue pressed against her cheek, playfully glaring at Shelby. 

Shelby laughed, shaking her head. "No."

"Then I can deal with whatever it is." Toni shrugged. "No pressure, though, I know sometimes you're just not ready to say something out loud."

Shelby nodded. "Yeah, I think that's it."

"Shits tough, Texas. I get that."

"Hopefully not forever."

"I dunno, I've heard you just start caring less about shit the older you get." Toni shrugged. "Until then, I'm just gonna keep faking it."

"Faking it?" 

"Yeah, chin up, back straight, like a pageant." Toni said. "Pretend, act, fake a smile, until even you start to believe it."

Shelby nodded, little frown on her brow as she stared over at Toni. "Yeah," She breathed. "That's exactly it."

"I get the mask is hard to let go of but just know you can, no judgement." Toni offered, and Shelby gave her a little smile, but looked like she didn't know what to say, so Toni hopped in. "My turn. Student president, huh? What do you even do?" 

"Well," Shelby took a breath then she was off ranting, and Toni tried to listen, but she just found herself staring, nodding and humming every so often. 

They stayed well past their coffees being hot enough to drink, and, honestly, Toni lost track of time, not realising how late it was until she looked up and saw it was dark outside. 

"Jesus," Toni frowned, looking down at her watch to see it was past eight. She had been so lost in chatting with Shelby, teasing Shelby, flirting with Shelby, that she didn't even register time passing. 

"What?" Shelby asked, soft, relaxed, and for some reason Toni's chest burned because of it. 

"It's like after eight," Toni glanced around. "This place closes in ten, we should head out."

"Oh, okay, yeah." Toni smiled to herself at the fact Shelby sounded disappointed.

"How are you getting home?" Toni asked, holding the door open for Shelby, who smiled gratefully. 

"Thank you," She said. "And I'm just gonna walk, it isn't far."

"Sure I can't coax you into a ride?" Toni held up her helmet with a grin. "I'll let you wear my helmet." 

"Absolutely not," 

"Fine," Toni huffed, though she hadn't really expected Shelby to agree, clipping the helmet to her backpack. "Let me walk you home then."

"It's not far, Toni, and it wouldn't be fair if you walked me all the way home and had to come all the way back here."

"You said it yourself, it's not far, so it won't take long." Toni said, brushing past Shelby with a playful bump of their shoulders. "Keep up, Texas, you don't know what lurks on these mean streets. You might run into an anti-vaxer or something."

Shelby laughed, skipping slightly to fall into step with Toni. "That would be the worst."

"I'll protect you from that," Toni grinned crookedly at her, hands stuffed into the pockets of her jacket, and she saw the shift in Shelby's features, but she couldn't quite decipher it. 

"True knight in basket ball shorts," Shelby teased and Toni laughed, looking away because she was fucking blushing. How fucking lame was she? 

Turns out Shelby really wasn't far, less than ten minutes down the main road, Toni had just barely finished her story about the shot she managed to get in the final last year, when Shelby stopped, motioning behind her. 

"This is me," and yeah, this is exactly the kind of house Toni would have expected. All white picket fence and Trump sign out front, which Shelby motioned to. "That's my parents, I'm not a Republican."

"I believe you," Toni hummed with a nod. 

Shelby nodded, glancing down at her feet, and Toni was suddenly struck by how date like this felt. "Well, thank you, for walking me home."

Toni shrugged. "Thanks for the coffee." 

Shelby nodded. "Goodnight, Toni."

"Night, Texas." Toni said, taking two steps back, offering Shelby a little smile and a nod before she turned on her heels and headed back down the street.

Fatin was on the sofa when she got home, joint clasped between her fingers. 

"Where's Dot?" Toni asked, punching Fatin's legs for her to lift them, scowling when Fatin put them right back over her thighs when she settled in. 

"Work," Fatin answered. "How was it?" 

Toni shrugged. "Just coffee."

Fatin finally looked at her, eyes narrowed slightly. "Don't play coy."

"M'not," Toni said, snagging the joint from Fatin's fingers. "Just nothing to report. We got coffee, talked school and stuff, and then went home."

Toni should probably feel bad for lying, it's just the truth would cause her a headache of questions from Fatin and Dot. 

Fatin rolled her eyes. "Boring." she grumbled, and Toni shrugged, taking a long drag as she relaxed into the sofa. 

Fatin relented, leaving Toni with that half smoked joint in favour of sparking up a new one, turning her attention back to the TV. 

Toni found her mind wandering back to Shelby, back to how much fun she actually had tonight. 

Toni waiting until she stubbed out the cig before she lifted Fatin's legs and fished her phone from her pocket. 

She hadn't expected to hear from Shelby tonight, or at all, really, so she was surprised when she opened her phone to two texts from her. 

_Thank you for walking me home._

_Let me know when you get home safe_. 

**Been home for a while now**

**Just chilling with Fatin**

**Everything alright with you?**

_Andrew apparently dropped by while I was out, got my parents asking questions_

**You not allowed to have friends outside of him?**

_I guess not_

_It was good to just not have to pretend today_

**Yeah**

**Today wasn't so bad**

_Wasn't so bad?_

_Why to you have to act so cool all the time?_

**S'not an act, Texas**

**I am this cool**

_Humble, too_

**That's me, humble and the greatest**

_If you do say so yourself_

**I'm my own biggest fan**

_Well, it's warranted, Stanford._

**Again, haven't got in yet**

**What about you?**

**What's your plans for college?**

_My parents want me to go to college here_

**Didn't ask what your parents want**

**What'd you wanna do?**

_I dunno_

_I guess_

_Marine biology_

**That's cool**

**You should go for it**

_They'd never pay for that and I don't have the money to pay._

_Academic scholarships aren't as popular as sport ones._

**True.**

**But your student prez, pastors daughter, pageant Queen, volunteer to help build houses, and you grades are decent, I'd assume.**

**Thats the kinda person who gets an academic scholarship**

_Maybe_

_There's just a lot going on right now, you know?_

_I have hardly had time to think about college._

**I hadn't even considered college until I was scouted this year**

**Didn't think I'd get to go.**

_What would you study?_

**Mechanical engineering**

**I like seeing how thibgs work**

**That's why I like working at the mechanics so much**

_That and I'm sure girls love a girl who is a mechanic_

Toni found herself laughing at the joke, catching Fatin's attention. 

"Uh, who are you laughing at?" she asked, sitting forward to peer at Toni's phone. 

"No one, fuck off." Toni tilted herself to lean against the arm of the chair and away from Fatin, who glared at her for a few seconds before turning back to the TV.

**that's definitely a huge perk**

_Has it worked okay for you so far?_

That was a question she hadn't expected from Shelby. She knew Shelby said she was tolerant , and Toni believed her, but she didn't expect for Shelby to actively ask about her dating life. 

**You wanna know about my love life?**

_If you wanna talk about it._

_We know how shit mine is so._

**Mine ain't much better**

**One girlfriend, fucked that up**

**Few hook ups here and there**

**But nothing exciting.**

_What happened? With you and your ex?_

Toni tapped her fingers against the edge of her phone, contemplating what to tell Shelby. 

**I just really fucked up so she left**

**I don't blame her, I'm glad she did**

**She deserved better than what I could give her**

**We're still friends, kinda**

_Relationships suck_

**Yeah**

_I need to go, my mom wants to talk to me then I'm going to head to bed_

_Goodnight, toni._

**Night**

Toni knew she was in trouble, this was a bad idea, getting any kind of close to Shelby Goodkind. 

She just couldn't help it, she was always a curious kid, and now she's presented with this girl who she thought was one thing and has been just blowing Toni's expectations out of the water. 

So she was curious about Shelby, and what had changed, why had she changed. 

Toni ended up falling asleep on the sofa with Fatin. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Toni and Shelby texted back and forth through the next few days, and Toni saw her a few times from the bar, but they didn't talk, both just giving each other a smile and a nod. 

It wasn't until a week into their daily texting that Shelby exited the church alone. No parents, no Andrew, no church friends. 

And Shelby's eyes found her instantly, then her eyes snapped down to her phone, a few seconds later Toni's buzzed in her hand. 

_ Busy?  _

Toni glanced at Shelby, who was watching her with a shy smile. 

**No**

_ Can we do something?  _

**Yeah for sure**

_ Meet me at seven?  _

**Okay**

**Meet me here.**

Toni sent a pin for the gas station just outside of town, and Toni honestly thought she'd question it, ask why she wanted to meet out in the fuck end middle of nowhere. 

Toni wasn't even sure she would show up, but then Toni pulled up into the back car park of the station and there was Shelby's Mercedes parked there, on its own. 

Toni pulled up alongside it, Shelby rolling down her window just as Toni pulled of her helmet, resting it on her lap as she leaned forward, grinning. 

"Hey," 

"Is this what a drug deal feels like?" 

"Why would you assume I know?" Toni said with a little grin. 

"I think it's a safe bet." Shelby said, and Toni didn't miss the way her eyes ran the length of Toni, so obviously checking her out. "Anyway, what are we doing here?" 

" _ I  _ am going to introduce you to Ginger," Toni clipped her helmet onto her bag as she got off the bike. "Let's go, Texas, Ginger is a lady who doesn't like to be kept waiting." 

Toni turned then, and she heard Shelby scramble out of the car to catch up with her. 

"You brought me here to introduce me to a cat?" She asked when she was alongside Toni. 

"Okay, first, Ginger isn't just a cat, she's a legend. And secondly, you ask me to hang out, this was all I could think of, plus I need cigs, so."

"How can you smoke and still be an athlete on track to Stanford?" 

Toni shrugged, pushing the door opening and holding it for Shelby, who smiled and stopped right in front of her when she started speaking. 

"Just natural talent, I guess." 

Shelby nodded, staying rooted for a few seconds before ducking her head and heading inside. 

"Ah, lil' Toni," The man sitting in the chair be the register smiled, missing most of his teeth, large scar from his cheek. 

"Y'alright, Ricky?" Toni called, hands stuffed into the pockets of her leather jacket. 

"As good as it can be, kid." The man said, tearing a piece of jerky with his teeth. "Who's your friend?" 

"Shelby," Toni motioned toward Shelby, who waved. "Can I get some cigs?"

Toni leaned on the counter as Ricky got up to get her cigarette, looking around behind the counter. 

"Where's Ging?" Toni asked. 

Ricky whistled, and in a few seconds Ginger trotted out from the back room and hopping onto the counter, going straight for Toni, rubbing her head against her chin. 

The cat was, as the name suggested, ginger and straggly looking, scar over her missing right eye, half of its tail missing and a limp on her back right foot. 

Toni smiled, rubbing her face against the cats back. "Hey, Gingy, how's the arthritis?" 

"She's got them vitamins the vet suggested." Ricky said, throwing the cigs down in front of Toni. "For the tuning you done on the truck the other weeks, last of the freebies, though."

"Thanks, Rick." Toni pocketed the cigarette and turned to Shelby as Ricky headed back to his seat to watch the game. "Ginger, this is Shelby."

The cat stayed near Toni, very standoffish toward Shelby as she reached a hand out for the cat to sniff. 

And she did, tentatively at first, then she took a small step closer, her nose pressing against Shelby's hand. Then she was rubbing against Shelby's hand, then abandoning Toni completely to curl into Shelby's stomach as she scratched her head. 

"See," Toni grinned, leaning a little closer to Shelby, who looked a little surprise at the attention from the cat. "A true lady."

"She really is," Shelby agreed, and Toni found herself watching with a smile as Ginger flopped onto her back, legs outstretched as Shelby her tummy and giggled. 

"You been sticking in at school, Toni?" the man behind the counter asked. "Don't wanna end up like me, do ya?" 

"Owning a nice gas station with my amazing cat? That ain't a bad gig, Ricardo." Toni said and the man sighed, leaning back in his chair, hands clasped over his large stomach. 

"Maybe you can get through to this girl, Blondie."

"Through to her about what?" Shelby glanced up from the cat, between Toni and Ricky, before looking back down again. 

"That she's better than some small town full'a small folks."

Toni tutted and rolled her eyes. "Here we go."

"I'm just sayin'." Ricky shrugged. "Girl's a genius when it comes to machines, and you should see her playing basketball."

"She good?" Shelby asked. 

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone better at her age." Ricky motioned to Toni, who had coaxed the cat back to her and was hiding her face behind it. "She's wasted in this shit town and she doesn't seem to get that, so maybe you can drill it into her thick skull."

"Hey," Toni scowled. "My skull is average size, thank you very much."

"But the brain is bigger than average. Use it, dumbass."

"Yeah," Shelby grinned over at Toni, this odd grin with a warmth to it that made Toni melt a little. "Use it, dumbass."

"Well, now I feel ganged up on." Toni clicked her finger up by her shoulder and Ginger strolled up her arm and settled around her neck in an obviously practiced move. "Ging and I are gonna to go pick snacks, you can pay for your attitude."

Toni gave Shelby a little grin as she turned and headed down the aisle, Ginger looking sleepy on her shoulders. 

Toni grabbed a couple of bags of takis, a few orange gatorades and two hershey's chocolate bars. 

Shelby and Ricky were laughing about something when Toni got back, dropping all the stuff onto the counter. 

"And some booze." Toni said, rubbing her face against Ginger's head. 

"Don't push it, kid." Ricky rolled his eyes, bagging up the stuff and holding the bag out to Shelby. "Take this," He pointed at Toni. "Leave the cat. And go enjoy your night, kids. It's Friday, after all."

"Oh, I-" Shelby reached into her bag for her purse. 

"On the house, kid, so long as you keep your promise." Ricky winked at Shelby and Toni looked between the two of them as she let Ginger hop onto the counter. 

"What's going on right now?" Toni narrowed her eyes, pointing between Ricky and Shelby. "What promise?"

"None'a your business, kid." Ricky waved her off. "Now get lost, I'm missing the game."

Toni rolled her eyes, giving Ginger one last scratch before throwing a goodbye over her shoulder as she and Shelby left. 

"You were very right," Shelby said. "Ginger was lovely."

"You seemed to have hit it off with Ricky, making him promises and shit." Toni squeezed one eye closed as she tilted her head toward Shelby. "What was that about?" 

Shelby shrugged. "He cares about you, he just wants you to be okay."

"Yeah, I know." Toni grumbled, leaning against her bike while Shelby leaned against the side of her car. "You wanna go somewhere? I have my laptop in my bag, got a few movies saved on it, I know a few quiet places we can eat our snacks and watch something."

"Sounds like the start of a movie where you murder me." 

"Maybe," Toni hummed. "You wanna follow me?" 

Shelby agreed, and Toni waited for Shelby to be ready before she headed off. 

Toni took Shelby to the parking lot of the garage she worked at, knowing it would be deserted at this time. 

Toni clambered into the passenger side of the car, routing around in her bag for her laptop. 

"Couldn't you have gotten something a little healthier?" Shelby asked as she looked around in the bag she had filled with snacks. 

Toni just grinned over at her as she set her open laptop on the dash. "Would ask what you're feeling but I only have horror and more horror." 

"Horror it is, then." Shelby laughed. 

"I'll let you pick which one you wanna watch," Toni motioned to the laptop as she leaned back in the seat, wrapping her arms around herself, tucking her chin into the neck of her sweatshirt. 

Shelby finally settled on The Wrong Turn, probably the wrong kind of movie to be watching when you were sitting at a deserted garage out in the middle of nowhere. 

But at first it was exciting, then Toni wasn't really paying attention at all, cause Shelby had curled up against the center console like Toni was, their arms pressed together, and it was entirely too distracting.

And Shelby kept glancing over at her (the only reason Toni knew that was because she was watching Shelby out of the corner of her eye the whole night), and it was kind of driving Toni crazy. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew this was going to fucking explode in her face and she was going to end up hurt. 

She was so sure Shelby was straight, she had to be, for Shelby's own sake, because Toni could only imagine the havoc that would wreck through Shelby's life. 

And maybe that's what this was. Maybe that's what's changed, maybe she's understanding herself better. The Shelby she knew from school certainly didn't hold herself the way Shelby does now, the pride in her step, her shoulders back. 

"What?" Toni blinked a few times at the soft question, only realising then that she was just staring at Shelby, head rested against the seat. 

"Nothing," Toni cleared her throat and shook her head as she turned her eyes to the screen. 

"You were staring," Shelby pointed out. 

"I was just--I'm just curious, is all. You're so different from what I remember." Toni admitted, looking down at her hands as she played with her fingers. 

"You remember much about me?" Shelby asked, head tilted. 

"You're Shelby Goodkind," Toni shrugged, like that was a good enough answer, and to her it was, but Shelby didn't know what she meant, the frown told her as much. "Everyone thinks they know all about you, Shelby."

"Thinks." Shelby hummed. 

"Thinks," Toni nodded. "That's why I think my read on you was all wrong, Texas."

"What was your read, then?" Shelby turned to Toni, tucking her knees into her chest, feet on the seat, chin resting on her knees. 

"I thought you were a hateful republican, brainwashed by the bible." Toni shrugged, mirroring Shelby's position. "I thought you were all smiles and rainbows in front of everyone else but deep down you were just as horrible as every other religions person that has told me I'm disgusting because of who I have feelings for."

Shelby nodded. "Well, if this was last year your read would have been spot on." Shelby hummed. "Now, what do you think?" 

"Hm," Toni tilted her head, eyes narrowed playfully, pretending to assess Shelby. "I think you are a secret horror movie fan, you love junk food but don't get it often, you're not a republican, or hateful."

"And I don't think you're disgusting for who you have feelings for." Shelby said, and Toni could tell just by how she was looking at her that she meant it. "I think you're brave for being able to understand who you are."

Toni shrugged. "Didn't have anyone to tell me who I should and shouldn't be, so I didn't question who I was much. I was just Toni; the tomboy with a chip on her shoulder. Other shit was just background noise, it just kinda happened."

"My parents have my whole life planned out for me. Marry a nice Christian boy from the church, become a housewife like my momma. Have kids and maintain a house."

"But you don't want that?" Toni asked carefully. 

"No," Shelby sighed. "No, I don't. And I can't wait to get out of here after high school, and finally just  _ be myself."  _

"Are you, like--I mean, you're safe at home, though, right?" Toni asked with a little frown. 

"Yes. They would never hurt me. Not physically." Shelby said. "But if they found out--some stuff, they would definitely react badly to it."

"Okay, and once you're outta here, what then? You just gonna tell them everything?" Toni asked, and Shalby nodded. "Their reaction isn't gonna be any better just cause you ain't in the house."

"I know, but at least when they disown me I will have roots elsewhere." Shelby reasoned. 

"You think they will?" Toni questioned softly. "Disown you, I mean." 

"Oh yeah," Shelby laughed, humorlessly, Toni noted. 

"For what, though?" Toni couldn't help but ask. "What's so bad they'll disown their kid?" 

"Just some stuff," Shelby waved her off, and Toni backed off immediately. 

"Okay," Toni hummed, motioning to Shelby with one hand before wrapping it around her legs again. "For the record, though, the fact you're even thinking about telling your parents something that will get you disowned is brave."

That made Shelby frown. 

"That's the thing about bravery, Shelby, it's subjective. Me being who I am seems brave to you because you can't be, and you telling your parents whatever your shit is, well that is brave to me because I've never had to do it. But the idea of having my mother love me, and us be happy, and knowing me being who I am would ruin that? That's fucking terrifing, dude, so give yourself some serious props for that."

"Yeah, I guess." Shelby murmured. 

"And going against what you've been taught, the shit you grew up with? And coming up with your own ideas of the world, that shits brave, too." Toni shrugged. "Just so you know."

Shelby smiled, bashfully. "Thank you."

Toni nodded, snagging the open packet of takis from Shelby's lap, turning back to . "Now shush, Texas, this is just getting good."

Toni took a takis between her teeth and grinned over at Shelby, who smiled right back, as if in autopilot, her eyes dropping to Toni's lips, and stayed there for a long while. 

Then she promptly turned away, almost startling Toni.

They watched another half hour of the movie before they were chatting again, this time about less heavy stuff like school, embarrassing stories -which lead to them cracking up at the story of Toni hitting herself in the face with the ball during the final last year-, and they talked well past the end of the movie, credits long past finished. 

By the time they were yawning they were both huddled as close together as they could be, elbows resting on the centre console, hunched together like they were in their own little bubble, whispering in the darkness. 

And it all felt so  _ intimate  _ to Toni, so much so she almost pulled back multiple times, but she talked herself out of it, because Shelby looked relaxed in a way Toni has never seen before, and she kind of loved it. 

It was Shelby's phone vibrating violently in the cup holders of Shelby's car that startled them both completely out of their little bubble. 

Toni checked her own phone as Shelby went for hers, shaking herself out of that calm, almost lethargic feeling when she saw it was after midnight. 

"Holy fuck," She murmured, straightening, running her hands over her face. 

"Hey, daddy," She heard Shelby said beside her. "Yes, sorry, I was at the library, lost track of time."

Toni glanced over at Shelby, who was gnawing on her bottom lip nervously. 

"Yes, I'm leaving right now, I will be home soon. Bye, daddy." Shelby hung up the phone, hands dropping to her lap as she stared down at them. 

"Until another night, then." Toni closed her laptop and stuffed it into her bag, one hand in the door handle as she turned to Shelby with a little smile. "You alright?" 

"I think I--" Shelby shrugged. "I think this is the most alright I've been in a while."

That made Toni smile a smile that was far too bashful for her liking. "Well, alright," She joked, drawing a laugh out of Shelby. "Get home safe, Texas. Let me know when you get there."

Tonied hopped out of the car and rounding it to get onto her bike, pulling on her helmet, turning to Shelby before she turned on her engine to see her watching her through the open window. 

"I had a lot of fun tonight, Toni." Shelby said, folding her arms in the door, chin resting on her arms. 

"Yeah," Toni hummed. "I did, too."

"I don't know-- would you maybe want to hang out again sometime? Maybe I can show you something?" Shelby offered, and Toni found herself smiling. 

"Just let me know where and I'll be there, Texas." Toni leaned forward on the handle bars of the bike. "Follow me to the main road, yeah? These back roads can be confusing in the dark."

"Sure thing," 

Shelby tailed Toni the whole way to the freeway, giving Toni a beep when Toni held a hand up on a wave as they went their separate ways; Shelby toward uptown, Toni downtown. 

Neither Dot nor Fatin saw her when she got home, Dot out cold on the sofa while Fatin was in her room, so Toni slipped quietly into the house and to her bedroom, stripping off to her boxers before crawling onto the bed, feeling too warm for the covers. 

Toni sleepily felt around for her phone, squinting at it when she lifted it up and it brightened.

She was almost embarrassed by how giddy she got when she saw a message from Shelby. 

_ Home, about to head inside, no doubt to a super long lecture.  _

**Glad you got home okay**

**Let me know how said lecture goes**

**Hope you don't get grounded**

Toni tucked her hand under her cheek, thinking back on the night she had just had, and how stupidly perfect it was without either one of them even trying. 

It was stupid, so _so_ stupid on Toni's part to even believe this was anything special, but Shelby was different, relaxed,  _ herself _ , and if Toni thought she had a crush on the Shelby she  _ thought  _ she knew, well, that didn't hold a candle to the way Toni felt tonight, with  _ this Shelby _ , the  _ real  _ Shelby. 

Toni felt pathetic at how quickly she went for her phone when I buzzed beside her, groaning when she saw it was just Fatin. 

_ Home?  _

**Yeah**

**Good?**

_ I'm coming in put a shirt on  _

  
  


Toni groaned as she reached for her shirt, just barely getting it on when Fatin slipped inside. 

"Dude, if you wanna see my tits just ask." Toni scowled. 

"Seen'em, they're nice." Fatin waved her off, moving to lay beside her on her bed. 

"What's happening here?" Toni asked carefully. 

"You were in late tonight." 

"Ah, of course,  _ that."  _

Fatin laughed and rolled her eyes, playfully elbowing Toni. 

"I won't ask if you don't want me to. I'm just saying, it's good, you know? You're a bit less murdery these days, I'm assuming it's 'cause of her."

Toni tutted, flipping Fatin off. 

Then they fell into a comfortable silence, both staring at the ceiling. 

"This is gonna blow up in my face, huh?" 

"Maybe," Fatin hummed. "Or it could be really good, no one knows for sure. You just gotta ride it out."

"And if it goes tits up?" 

"You feel it out and move on." Fatin shrugged. "Shit hurts, you know that. You gotta decide if that hurt is worth all the good shit."

"Yeah," Toni breathed. "What the fuck you doing in here, anyway?" 

"I'm feeling a little homesick." Fatin grumbled, elbowing Toni. "So fucking comfort me and don't be a dick about it."

"God," Toni teased, wrapping an arm around Fatin as she rolled against her. "You women are  _ so needy."  _

"Go fuck yourself." Fatin snapped. 

"I do, often. In this bed." Toni laughed when Fatin slapped her stomach. 

"Fucking nasty fucker." Fatin murmured, and Toni laughed but sobered quickly. 

"You doing okay?" 

"No," Fatin admitted, and Toni knew as much, anyway. "I just got a text from my brother today, made me really homesick."

Toni nodded, she could understand to an extent, she missed Marty, she wishes she didn't fuck up so much that Marty didn't want anything to do with her anymore. 

Toni knew Fatin didn't want any sentimental shit, real or fake, so instead she grabbed the TV remote. "I think drag race is on."

Fatin took the remote from her with a sniff and began flicking through. 

Toni lifted her phone high enough that Fatin couldn't see it, hitting the notification for Shelby's message. 

_ Sorry, that went on what longer than I thought it would  _

_ I'm glad you got home safe _

**I'm sorry I got you into trouble**

**I didn't realise the time**

_ I'd do it again.  _

_ Tonight was lovely, toni. Thank you _

Toni found herself grinning at that, glad she wasn't the only one who had a great time. 

**You don't need to thank me, I had fun**

**You're cool to hang out with or whatever**

_ Or whatever _ 😏

_ I'm glad you had fun, it would suck if you were to turn me down when I ask you to hand out again _

**Yeah?**

**And when are you planning the next outing for?**

_ When are you free next?  _

**Eight tomorrow, after basketball.**

_ How would you like to hang out again?  _

_ I heard there are like 7 of these movies _

**Six**

**But yes a good few more**

_ I'm free most nights bar Sundays _

**Convenient**

**I am, too**

**After eight Tuesday and Thursday, after six any day other than that.**

**I work weekends so I can't do those at all**

_ Okay, lets just start with tomorrow?  _

**Meet me at the garage at quarter past eight?**

_ Sounds good _

_ Goodnight, Toni x _

**Night Texas**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

When Toni woke up to a good morning text from Shelby the following morning it put a spring in her step for the rest of the day, enough for Fatin and Dot to give her funny looks. 

She continued texting Shelby throughout the day, grinning down at her phone at the back of the class. 

She was in a great mood during lunch, and she knew everyone was wondering what the hell was going on, but Toni just shrugged when people asked, like she didn't know why she was so peppy today. 

She had half an hour between school finishing and practice starting, so she sat herself on the sidelines, pulling out her phone to text Shelby. 

**I have like half an hour until practice starts**

_Want a call?_

_I'm walking and I can't for the life of me text and walk_

**Yeah sure**

Toni felt her stomach flutter when Shelby's name appeared on the screen, which was stupid, she knew it was coming.

"Hey," Toni greeted, her voice far softer than even she expected it to be. 

"Hi," Toni was glad that she could her a similar tenderness in Shelby's voice. "You're not studying or anything, are you?" 

"Nah, I was just chilling before practice." Toni assured. "What are you doing?" 

"Walking home, it was kind of my punishment for getting home late last night."

"That fucking sucks," Toni frowned. "I'd offer to come get you but I reckon you'd refuse to get on."

"You'd be right. It isn't so bad," Shelby said. "At least I'll still have the car for later."

"Silver linings, I suppose."

"I'm looking forward to it, though." Shelby said, before clarifying. "Tonight."

"Me too," Toni smiled, pressing her face against her shoulder. "The second movie is the best one, so." 

Shelby laughed at the lame joke, "Can't say I remember much of the one from last night."

And Toni couldn't really remember much, either. 

"You were too busy grilling me about my tragic life and childhood." Toni teased, and Shelby chuckled. 

"Is it so bad I wanna know every little thing about you, Toni?" Shelby said. "You're kind of interesting."

"Interesting?" Toni couldn't help but laugh. " _Me_?" 

"Well, to me you are." the admission was so quiet Toni almost missed it, probably would have had she not been entirely focused on Shelby. 

"The bible must be really boring if you think I'm interesting, Texas." Toni teased, because that's what Toni does when she's flustered. She lashes out or she teases. 

Shelby gave a good natured tut. "I thought someone like you would know how to accept a compliment."

"Yeah well, it's a lot harder when it comes from a pretty girl, Texas." Toni almost seized up, because that was a little too on the nose, bang on flirtatious enough to cause panic in the person Shelby used to be. 

_Used to be_. Toni reminded herself. 

Then she relaxed completely when Shelby laughed softly, nervously. "You think I'm pretty?" 

"I think everyone thinks your pretty, Shelby." Toni said. "But there's far more to you than that, I think. I'm just saying, I'm useless when it comes to compliments from girls, believe it or not."

"I don't believe it, actually. I always would have thought of you as confident when it comes to girls, like you are with basketball." 

"Yeah, well, I'm good at basketball, I don't really need to try with basketball but people? They're tricky, for me, at least." Toni said. "And I've had most of'em leave, so I'm a little less confident when it comes to people."

Shelby hummed. "That's fair. My parents had me coached on how to deal with people, so I'm literally certified in it."

"Maybe you could teach me," Toni said. 

"It'll cost ya," Toni could hear the smile in Shelby's voice, and it made Toni smile. 

"Oh, yeah?" Toni shot back. "And what'll it cost me, Texas?" 

"I'm not sure yet, we'll put a pin in it."

"It's never good when a white person says shit like that." 

Shelby laughed at that comment, and Toni felt a rush of pride at the fact she was the one that caused it. 

"You close to home?" Toni asked. 

"I'm sitting on the steps," Shelby sounded almost sheepish as she admitted that. 

"Are you gonna go inside?" 

"Whenever you kick me off the phone I will."

Toni chuckled. "Alright, Texas, you've got me for another ten minutes, talk away."

Shelby laughed, but then she was quiet for a few seconds. "Thank you, Toni." 

"You really need to stop thanking me for doing fuck all, Shelby." Toni said. "I'm just being a friend."

"Oh," Toni rolled her eyes, because she could hear the teasing in Shelby's voice. "Friend, huh?" 

"Less and less by the minute," Toni shot back and Shelby laughed. 

"That's not true," 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Tex." 

"You can't make a nickname out of a nickname." Shelby said. 

"I absolutely can, because I absolutely did." 

"You're being a brat." Shelby teased. 

"That's kinda my brand, Shelby."

"Yeah, whatever." Shelby said in a flippant tone. "You're a softy, Toni."

Toni gasped quietly at that. "You take that back."

"Never," Shelby said, her voice laced with laughter. "You're a marshmallow."

"That's fucking rude," Toni said, "I have a reputation around these parts, you can't start rumours like that."

"I promise no one will hear it from me," Shelby promised. "That 'fuck the world' attitude is safe for another day."

Toni playfully gasped. "Shelby Goodkind, did you just curse?" 

"I won't tell your secret if you don't tell mine." Shelby offered. 

Toni grinned down at her feet. "Deal," 

\--

Toni was in fire during practice, to the point coach pulled her aside and told her that whatever she was doing, that she should keep doing it. 

She was feeling good as she stopped off at the station for snacks, chatting for a short while with Ricky as she petted Ginger. 

Again, Shelby was already there when Toni arrived, even though Toni was early herself. 

"You always this punctual?" Toni asked, shaking out her hair when she pulled her helmet off. 

"I allowed extra time to stop off and get healthy snacks." Shelby said. 

"Well, I got snacks, too. So it's a feast, tonight." Toni hopped off the bike and rounding the car to get into passenger side. 

Toni pulled out her laptop, setting it up, glancing at Shelby to see her watching her. 

"I got something on my face, Tex?" 

"No, sorry." Shelby shook her head and looked away, and Toni let it go, setting up the movie. 

"You doing okay?" Toni asked, her head lolling to the side to look at Shelby as the movie started up. 

"Yeah," Shelby nodded, and her smile was only a little forced. "You?" 

Toni nodded. "Yeah all good."

They lasted a little longer this time, about forty five minutes into the movie before Shelby pulled Toni into that same little fucking bubble they had been in last night and Toni just completely forgot about the rest of the world. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

They managed to finish all six movies in a little under two weeks, not that either one remembered much, spending the nights barely even watching them, and the nights they didn't spent huddled together in Shelby's car they would spend texting, and Shelby had taken to calling Toni before bed. 

It felt very relationshipy, but Toni decided not to question it. 

Toni was waist deep in a car through the back of the garage, her own little room to work on cars, when there was a knock on the door. 

"Visitor, T." her boss said. 

"Two secs," Toni said through gritted teeth as she strained to tighten the bolt. 

She straightened after, balancing the wrench on the edge of the car and turning, wiping her dirty hands on the front of her light grey (filthy) tank top. She couldn't help the smile that pulled on her lips at the sight of Shelby standing nervously in the doorway, mouth part open as she let her eyes run the length of Toni. 

"Hey," Toni smiled, using the bottom on her tank top to wipe the sweat from her face, frowning when she looked back at Shelby and she was staring intently at the car. "Everything alright?" 

"I had a practice run for the pageant today, finished not too long ago and I was hungry, you said you hadn't had the chance to eat so," Shelby held up the bag of food with a little smile. "But I can leave if you're busy."

"Nah, it's cool." Toni lightly hit the room of the car she was working on. "This rust bucket's about finished."

Toni lead Shelby over to the work bench, pulling over her chair and motioning for Shelby to sit, before going to grab a plastic box for her to sit on. 

"I would never have pegged Toni Shalifoe as a country music fan," Shelby said, and Toni tuned back into the music playing through the garage; Jordan Davis. 

"I'm fulla surprises, Tex." Toni said with a little grin. "You have nothing else to do on a Saturday night other than hang out with a grease monkey?" 

"Nah, didn't have any better offered." Shelby shot back and Toni glared playfully before chuckling, muttering ' _ bitch'  _ under her breath before she started eating. 

It was just so easy, to just hang out with Shelby, to laugh and joke around as they ate, for Toni to show Shelby around the car she was working on, for them to chat idly as Toni finished up her work. 

It was all just so easy to Toni, and Toni does not feel that way toward a lot of people. 

Shelby must have noticed the little frown on Toni brow as she thought about how easy this all is, because she spoke up. "Toni?" 

Toni looked up from the fuel pump she had cleaned to the point of almost sparkling, eyebrows raised questioningly. 

"Yeah?" 

"You were gonna rub right through the metal of that thing," Shelby laughed. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, I was just thinking."

"Anything interesting?" Shelby asked, head tilted to the side, and Toni shrugged. 

"I guess I just found it odd, how easy this all is." Toni said, motioning to Shelby when she frowned. "With you. This. Us being friends, I just find it… easy."

Shelby nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think easy describes it best."

"Okay, cool, glad it isn't just me." Toni avoided eye contact, holding the pump up as she turned back to the car to fit it. 

Toni was left to lock up, since she was the first one in the following morning. She turned to Shelby asked locking up, playing with her keys.

"You wanna come over?" Toni asked, staring down at her feet as they walked toward Shelby's car. "I get if you need to go home, but-" 

"I can come over, if you want me to." Shelby cut Toni off, and Toni nodded, little smile on her lips. 

"Cool, I'll bring the bike around, just follow me, yeah?" 

She hoped and prayed the whole way home that Fatin and Dot were either not home or busy, because they would  _ not _ let her hear the end of the fact she was bringing Shelby over. 

Thankfully, their bikes were gone, and Toni knew they were probably at the bar, so she relaxed, letting Shelby in with a little smile, and Shelby looked around the apartment, a decent sized four bedroom apartment with a good view of the mountains. 

"This is beautiful," 

"S'Fatin's, she just let's Dot and I crash here." Toni said, dropping her helmet in the bin by the door, the one with a T. Toni saw the way Shelby smiled at it. "Yeah, that's Dot's idea, apparently Fatin and I are messy."

"It's cute. Homely." Shelby said with a little smile. 

"Yeah," Toni murmured, staring at the baskets, because Shelby was right, it was homely. "Suppose it is."

Toni fell down onto the sofa, motioning for Shelby to sit alongside her as she reached for the Playstation remote. 

"You wanna watch some shit about serial killers?" Toni asked. 

"Yeah," Shelby agreed, and Toni set up a documentary on Jack the Ripper. 

"Can I get you anything? Beer, whiskey, water?" Toni asked as she stood. 

"Whiskey would be great," Shelby said, and Toni eyed her to see if she was kidding. 

She was surprised when she realised she wasn't. "Got some top shelf shit, stuff Fatin got from her trip to Scotland, I'll get you some of that."

Toni went and got changed into a pair of basketball shorts and her team sweatshirt before going to get each of them a glass of whiskey. 

Shelby thanked her, taking in Toni's new attire as she sat down beside her, pulling her feet up under her, knees to her chest. 

"Time do you need to be home?" Toni asked, her eyes on the TV. 

"I don't, not tonight." Shelby said. "My parents are at some conference thing, they aren't back until tomorrow afternoon." 

"So you're off the leash this weekend, huh?" 

"I wouldn't put it past them to chip my phone," Shelby grumbled. 

"Controlling?" 

"You've got no idea." Shelby sighed. 

"So tell me," Toni requested in a quiet, tender voice, and Toni honestly hadn't expected the shift that happened between them then, as Toni shuffled closer, her hand on Shelby's thigh in a conforming gesture. 

Or maybe she had expected it, but just not until way later, when she wouldn't have to fight it for long, not at the very beginning of the night. 

Shelby opened her mouth to reply, but it just stayed open, her eyes flickering over Toni's face, lingering for far too long on her lips. 

And Toni wasn't sure  _ what  _ her next move was. She could probably kiss Shelby, probably fuck her on the sofa, and boy did she want to. But she knew that would just scare her off, and she really didn't want that. 

Luckily, neither one had to make the choice because the apartment door rattled open, causing Shelby to jump back, and in stumbled Leah, Fatin on her back, barely catching them on the wall before both she and Fatin ended up on the ground, her face pressed against the wall as she laughed. 

Dot and Rachel weren't so lucky, hitting the floor with a groan. The only one still standing straight was Nora, standing by the door with a polite smile. 

"Hello, Toni."

"Hey, Nor." Toni greeted, glaring at the rest of the group. "It's fucking late guys, what are you doing?"

"Continuing the party here." Fatin said, and Dot cheered. The group seemed to register all at once that Toni wasn't alone, all focusing in on Shelby. 

Toni intercepted before anyone could say  _ anything  _ to her. 

"Everyone sit, I'll go get the drinks."

Toni pulled Shelby along with her, giving her an apologetic look when they were in the kitchen. "I'm sorry, I didn't know they'd be home. And they'll be partying all night, I understand if you want to leave."

"Do you want me to?" Shelby asked, giving the hand Toni was still holding a squeeze. 

"No,"

"Then we'd better try and catch up with those guys, huh?" Shelby said with a little smile. 

And, suddenly, Shelby was just partying with the girls,  _ fitting in  _ with the girls, and something Toni didn't even know what there eased in her chest. 

"She's pretty cool," Leah commented as she and Toni watched Shelby and Rachel destroy Dot and Fatin at beer pong. 

"This your speech about how you approve?" Toni laughed, grinning over at Leah. "Don't need it, Lee. It's never gonna happen."

"If you say so," 

Toni slipped out onto the balcony not long after that, both for a smoke and for a little quiet, staring out at the snow illuminated by the moon right at the very tip of the mountains. 

"You okay?" 

Toni glanced over her shoulder to see Shelby lingering in the door. Toni nodded with a little smile, which was enough to prompt Shelby to come join her, closing the door behind her. 

They stood in silence, Toni taking a long drag, before offering it up to Shelby who, surprisingly, accepted. 

"You ever been in the mountains at night?" Shelby asked, taking a drag with a level of expertise that told Toni this wasn't her first time. 

"Nah," 

"It's weird, especially when it's covered in snow 'cause the snow just absorbed all the sound, it's this really eerie silence, one that makes your ears do that rushing sound." Shelby explained, handing the joint back to Toni, who perched it between her lips, listening attentively. "But if something happens near you, it's just  _ so loud _ , we heard a growl once and it was like it was right over me."

"I'm not much of a camper," Toni admitted. 

"No?" 

"Nah," Toni shrugged. "Kinda had to do it a lot without much of a choice, so I can't really take to it."

Shelby nodded, and Toni waited for the reaction, but there wasn't really one. "Well, maybe we can go one year, to one of the places I really like, give that a try."

Toni smiled at that, future plans, that meant something. "Yeah, cool."

They passed the joint between them until it burned away, both just leaning against the railing then, staring out in silence. 

"Toni?" 

"Mm?" Toni hummed, focused on one particular bald patch of mountain, the weed definitely taking affect. 

"I think I like girls."

Toni blinked, then frowned, then her eyebrows raised. "Oh, okay. Just girls?"

"I don't-I'm not- sure. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, I just had to say it out loud, and you're the only one I trust to say it to." Shelby was already worked up, maybe regretting it. 

Toni nodded, if she didn't want to talk about it then they wouldn't.

"You know what the tallest mountain in the solar system is?" Toni asked, and Shelby looked a little confused, shaking her head. Toni leaned a little closer, pointing to a reddish blip in the sky. "It's right on there. Olympus Mons, s'on Mars. It's like two and a half times the size of Everest or some shit."

Shelby nodded, still looking a little baffled, then a slow smile pulled on her lips. "Nerd." She teased, and the anxiety in Toni's chest crumbled completely. 

"Fine, no more fun facts for you." Toni scoffed, almost jumping when Shelby took a hold of her hand and pulled her a little closer. 

"Tell me one about you?" Shelby requested, with an intensity that Toni found herself unable to say no to. "Something I don't know."

Toni had no idea what kind of affect Shelby had over her, but she certainly hadn't meant to blurt something out. "I watched my dad get murdered."

Shelby looked surprised, and that was enough to shake Toni out of her haze. She shook her head, laughing nervously. 

"Forget I said anything, I doesn't really-" Toni trailed off when Shelby placed a hand on her arm. 

"Thank you for telling me."

Toni nodded, shrugged. "Sure, yeah, whatever."

They rejoined the party after Fatin came to coax them into some lame party games that Shelby seemed all for, so Toni agreed, too. 

Toni ended up stumbling into bed just after three with Shelby tucked under her arm. Everyone else had passed out, either in the living room or in someone's bed, lucky Toni was about herself enough to fend anyone away from her room and into either Fatin's or Dot's, she was  _ not  _ sharing a bed with Leah and Nora, not after last time. 

She dropped Shelby onto the bed, grinned at her when she just bounced on her back, staring up at Toni. 

"You doin' alright, Tex?" Toni asked, distracting herself with her phone, knowing full well Shelby was staring at her. 

"Mm, fine." Shelby nodded, her accent think and drawn out, and Toni flashed her a little disbelieving grin, hating how enamoured she was by the accent.

"I'ma go get you water and pills, you're gonna need it." Toni laughed, giving Shelby's leg a little pat before quietly leaving and making her way through to the kitchen, stepping over Leah, asleep just in front of the sofa. The empty sofa, Toni noted. 

Shelby had managed to sit herself up on the edge of the bed, and was staring down at her hands when Toni came back. 

"Water and Walmart brand pills, you'll need it in the morning." Toni said, sitting the pills down on the table on the side Toni didn't sleep on before joining Shelby at the foot of the bed. 

"You're up in two hours," Shelby pointed out, playing with her watch. 

"Yeah, s'alright, I can nap under a car just before lunch." Toni shrugged. 

"Your friends are nice. I don't know what I expected, I've heard stories, you know? But everyone was nice."

"They have their moments of not so nice, but who doesn't, right?" Toni shrugged again. "If you're stalling cause you don't wanna share a bed then just say so, I don't mind crashing on the floor."

Shelby looked like she genuinely considered it before slowly shaking her head. "No, that's okay. Let's just go to sleep."

Toni nodded, and they both clambered under the covers, Toni settling on her back, arm tucked under her head, while Shelby lay facing her. 

Toni had taken her sweatshirt off now, leaving her in a tank top. 

"What's this?" was all the warning Toni got before Shelby touched Toni's side, just above the edge of the tank top, over her tattoo. 

Toni glanced down at Shelby to see her staring up at her questioningly. 

"It's a Maori design." Toni said, and Shelby tilted her head, glancing up at Toni, finger on the edge of the tank top, asking if she could move it. Toni nodded and Shelby did, pulling down the fabric to see an greenish blade on her side, in tribal design. "When I lived uptown I had a friend, her names Marty I fucked that up but her mom, she was a Maori woman, and she knew the practice of traditional tattooing, so I got this done."

"It's lovely," Shelby said, running her finger over the skin there, and Toni had to clench her jaw, staring up at the ceiling to stop herself from squirming. "What is it?" 

"It's the Toki, it symbolises strength in Maori culture."

"It's really pretty."

"Thank you, I want more. I know a guy uptown who does the same traditional way but it's the money, ya know?" Toni shrugged, almost visbly relaxing when Shelby stopped touching her. "You ever thought about getting any?" 

"I'm a basic white teenage girl, what do you think?" Shelby said, and Toni laughed. 

"Hey, you forgot Christian." Toni added, and Shelby grinned against the pillow,  _ Toni's  _ pillow, and Toni couldn't help but stare at the sight, filing it away as one of the  _ good things.  _ "You don't gotta get up with me tomorrow, you can chill, have breakfast with the girls. Nora makes a mean hangover breakfast."

"Thank you," Shelby breathed, already almost asleep, and Toni smiled over at her. 

"Sure thing, Texas," Toni murmured and, God, was she in trouble. 

Everyone was in the exact same spot when Toni dragged herself out of bed a few hours later, making sure not to disturb Shelby as grabbed a clean pair of overalls and a clean tank top, stepping over Leah on her way to grab a snack, giving her a little kick just to make sure she was still alive, satisfied when she groaned but didn't wake up. 

Toni set up glasses of water and painkillers for each of her friends before leaving. 

Toni did exactly as she had planned, she fell asleep while working under a car, startling awake when there was a sharp kick to her leg, causing her to try and sit up, her head knocking a, thankfully, smooth part of the car. 

"Motherfucker," Toni grumbled as she rolled herself out from under the car, glaring at Shelby, who was hiding a smile behind her hand. "Trying to kill me, Texas?" 

Toni gave her a once over, dressed in black sweatpants and Toni's basketball sweatshirt, her name and number on the back, captain on the front, and the whole thing threw Toni. 

"No, I thought I'd bring you some breakfast." Shelby held up a tupperware filled with food no doubt made by Nora.

"You're a fucking life saver, Shelby Goodkind." Toni groaned, snatching the food from Shelby and sitting at the workbench. 

"Also, coffee." Shelby set the cup down in front of Toni. "Black, like the psycho you are."

Toni chuckled around a mouth full of food.

"How were the girls this morning?" 

"Most a little worse for wear. Fatin still looked fresh, even though I'm sure she drank more than all of us combined." 

"Mm, s'a talent of hers, Fatin  _ never  _ looks bad, it's impressive, honestly." Toni said, eyeing Shelby. "How are you feelin'?" 

"I actually feel really good. I had a lot of fun last night, and your friends, they're kind of great."

Toni smiled. "We'll get you a bike, you can hang out." Toni offered, laughing when Shelby looked panicked. "I'm kidding, dude, you can hang out without one."

"Fatin invited me to get my nails done today."

Toni hummed. "Yeah, she'll do that, done it with all of us, but all the rest refused." Toni pointed to Shelby. "You might be exactly what Fatin's been looking for."

"We're going at five."

Toni nodded, motioning the length of Shelby. "You rifle through my shit or?" 

"What? No," Shelby frowned down at herself. "Dot got them for me, said you wouldn't mind."

"I don't," Toni shook her head, eyes running the length of Shelby again. 

"Are you sure it's okay?" Shelby looked shy, looking down at herself, then at Toni through her eyelashes. 

"It's okay," Toni promised, and they just stared at each other for a few moments before Shelby glanced away toward the car. 

"I thought you were kidding about sleeping," Shelby said. 

"Nah, any chance I get I take it." Toni said. "So, I have a game next weekend, so I'll be pretty busy through the week."

"Oh? Is it a big game?" 

"Qualifiers." Toni nodded, giving a coy shrug. "The girls'll be there."

Shelby looked at Toni, head tilted, eyes narrowed. "Are you asking me to come, Toni?" 

"We usually get pancakes after, I know you love buttermilk pancakes, so." Toni shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about it. 

Shelby smiled, her hand finding Toni's arm. "I'd love to come, Toni."

"Right, cool." Toni nodded, a smile twitching on her lips as she stared down at the food in her lap as she picked at it. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Shelby started hanging out with the girls. 

It got the the point where Toni was getting home just after nine from practice the week leading up to the qualifying game and Shelby would be sitting on the sofa with the girls, like she had been there all along. 

And each time she would smile at Toni as she trudged into the house, clearly exhausted, and Toni would smile back as best she could, throwing her dirty clothes in the wash and going to make herself something to eat. 

The was the first two nights, then once Shelby realised she got home arou d the same time she started having door ready for her getting home. 

And Toni would join her if she wasn't finished cool, sitting on the counter as she watched Shelby cook, and they would chat about their day, like they hadn't spent any free time they had texted each other. 

Then they would join the girls for a short while before Toni headed off to bed. 

Toni was nervous come game day. 

Not that she would admit it to anyone, this was her thing, her brand. She didn't  _ get  _ nervous, she was Toni Shalifoe, she was cocky and obnoxious. 

So she put on that mask, feeling almost comfortable in this mask. 

"Who's the new girl with your lot?" Chelsea asked as they warmed up, and Toni glanced toward the back to the bleachers to see her friends there with Shelby, Shelby wearing the sweatshirt Toni still hadn't gotten back from her. 

The one with her name and number on it. To one of the most important games of the season. 

Surely Shelby would know the implications that. 

"Just a friend," Toni shook her head, turning back to her team mates to see them looking at her with a disbelieving look. " _ What?"  _

"A friend," Chelsea murmured. 

"Who wears your sweatshirt," Jodie added. 

"And keeps staring at you."

That made Toni look back at Shelby so see she was, I'm fact, staring at her. 

Instead of looking away after getting caught Shelby just smiled, lifting her hand in a little wave. 

Toni smiled right back, nodding her head in a greeting 

"Just a friend," Chelsea laughed, pushing at Toni. "Yeah right."

"Shut it," Toni rolled her eyes, ducking her head and glancing back at Shelby, smiling softly when she noticed Shelby still watching her, pressing her cheek against her arm. 

They won, of course they did, they haven't lost a game since Toni became captain. Toni had been on fire, her friends had always been loud, but it was different having Shelby alongside them, cheering and screaming for Toni. 

It lit something in Toni that just seemed to elevate her game to a whole other level. 

And she only tried to fight two people, that's a fraction of the the amount she would usually try and fight.

The buzzer sounded and Toni stopped dead, her arms going lack as she stared at the ceiling, sweat dripping down her neck. 

And for a second everything was quiet, then Toni was suddenly rushed by her teammates, bringing her back into the room and into the chaos. She, as the captain, has taken her team through the qualifying rounds. 

Toni smiled big, hugging her teammates as she glanced up the bleachers, spotting Shelby immediately, standing and looking proud, flashing Toni big smile. 

And Toni felt like a fucking king in that moment. 

After a few minutes the chaos finally subsided in the gym enough for Toni to slip outside and toward the parking lot to meet up with her friends. 

"Look at you, super star," Fatin spotted her first, rushing over to hug Toni. Toni laughed and stumbled slightly, lifting Fatin and giving her a little squeeze before dropping her. 

Then she was surrounded by her girls, all of them talking at once, but Toni was accustomed to this, so she was able to keep up well enough to calm everyone down relatively quickly. 

Then there was Shelby, standing off to the side, hands clasped in front of her. So, Toni broke off from her friends to get to her. 

"I now understand why you're such a cocky brat." 

"Thank you," Toni grinned. "Did you have fun?" 

"I did," Shelby nodded. "You're really good. And really aggressive, some of those people were twice your size."

Toni shrugged. "The adrenaline." She said. "Are you coming for pancakes?" 

"Yeah," Shelby smiled, her eyes running over Toni's face, enough for Toni to notice. 

"What?" 

"Your hair, it's just nice. I like the curls." Shelby shrugged. 

"Oh, right. Cool." Toni nodded, feeling so fucking  _ lame _ , as she looked down at her feet, pointing over her shoulder. "I gotta go shower, I'm fucking gross, but I'll catch up when I'm done."

"You want us to leave?" Shelby frowned. 

"Yeah, you're the designated driver, right? Go ahead, I have my bike, anyway." Toni assured. 

Toni showered as quickly as she could, saying goodbye to her team before heading out to catch up with her friends. 

Her friends had broken off by the time Toni got to Shaddy's; Fatin was flirting with the guy behind the counter, Nora was talking Dot through the best way to get the high score on the old pacman machine, Rachel was playing pool with guys Toni didn't recognise, and Leah and Shelby were in the booth talking to two guys. 

Two guys who were so clearly flirting with them. 

Toni scowled at the boys. 

"Hey, Toni, how about you come help me beat these guys at pool?" 

Toni glanced at Rachel, then back to Shelby to see her looking at her with a little smile. 

Toni hated that she was fucking fuming, so much so that she couldn't even pull a smile on her lips. She was such a fucking asshole. 

"Sure, yeah." Toni agreed, dragging her eyes away from Shelby and heading straight for the pool table. 

"Good?" Rachel asked, and Toni glanced back to Shelby, who was watching Toni with a little frown on her brow, confused, _hurt,_ and something in Toni uncoilded. Shelby was ignoring the guy across from her in favour of watching Toni. 

The anger in Toni's chest eased, and she smiled, giving Shelby a little nod. And Shelby relaxed, a smile falling onto her lips.

The guys, it turns out, Rachel had been hustling the whole time, pretending to be shit at pool to get them to bet more and more money. 

Toni don't the same for the first game. 

"Okay, double or nothin'." Toni said. 

"That's a hundred bucks, kid." Toni pulled out her wallet and slammed down the money. 

"You good for it?" 

The guys glanced at each other, then shrugged. "I almost feel bad taking money from kids."

Toni and Rachel wiped the table with them, which caused an argument, and Fatin and Leah had to intercept Rachel and Toni before they could start a fight.

Thankfully, Dot knew the guy who worked there, so it wasn't the girls who were asked to leave. 

Toni was laughing along with her friends as she fell down into the booth beside Shelby, arm resting on the back of the booth bench seat behind Shelby.

Toni turned to Shelby, still mid laughter, and Shelby was staring at her, little smile of her own on her lips, but it was like Toni was the only thing in the room, and Toni fucking loved it. 

Craved it now she had seen that look.

"It's always you causing trouble, huh?" Shelby was so playfully Toni would hazard saying it was flirtatious, and she poked Toni's side. 

"Trouble just finds me."

"Pancakes," Dot almost yelling startled Toni out of their bubble. 

"On Fatin, she was the furthest away from guessing how many points you'd score." Nora said. 

"You are  _ all  _ freeloaders." Fatin pointed at everyone, some of them blowing her kisses, before pointing at Shelby. "Text me what you want, I know what all these losers want."

"You don't have to get me pancakes, Fatin. I-" 

"Ah ah," the girls cut off. 

"Seriously," 

"Sh," Fatin cut in. 

"It's tradition, whoever guesses the furthest away from what Toni scores gets pancakes." Rachel explained, and Shelby conceded, glancing up at Toni who was grinning down at her. 

"What?" 

"You're part of the group now," Toni shrugged. "Don't be fucking with family traditions." 

Toni knew Shelby was touched by her choice of words. 

"We'll get pancakes, right? Hang out for a bit then head home, have a smoke and a drink, play some games." Toni said. "You in?" 

Shelby nodded, "I can have one of my friends cover for me."

"Cool," Toni said with a little smile, glaring at Rachel when the little paper football she had made hit Toni on the cheek. "Are you fucking five years old?" 

Then they were arguing, and Toni saw the way Shelby rolled her eyes with a fond little smile, and something in her chest burned at the sight. 

They ate their pancakes then split off again, Toni challenge Shelby to see who could get the best score in Pacman, Shelby scolding Toni for 'distracting her' because Toni couldn't pull her fucking eyes away from Shelby, looking far prettier than anyone had the right to under Shaddy's shitty rainbow neon lights. 

Fatin hopped on the back of Toni's bike as they were leaving, Toni giving the girl her helmet, grinning over at Shelby. "Race you home, Texas?" 

Shelby didn't smile, just looked concerned. "You don't have a helmet, Toni. Please, just be careful."

Toni nodded, because what else was she supposed to do what someone was practically begging her to just  _ stay alive.  _ "Sure thing."

"She fucking likes  _ you _ , Shalifoe." Fatin said as they pulled out of the parking lot. 

"Fuck off," 

They broke off to get changed when they got into the apartment; Rachel and Nora going with Dot, Leah with Fatin, and Shelby with Toni. 

"Help yourself to whatever," Toni motioned to the drawers before falling back onto her bed and stretching out. 

Shelby got herself a pair of Toni's black sweatpants, but decided to keep the sweatshirt she was currently wearing on. 

Then she took a seat beside Toni's feet, giving her leg a little squeeze. "You were really great out there today."

Toni tucked her arms under her head to lift her head to look at Shelby, poking her with her toe. "Thanks for coming." 

"I had fun," Shelby nodded. "I would like to come again, if that's okay?"

"Of course," Toni agreed. "You were like a good luck charm, I don't think I've ever played that well."

"Yeah, right." Shelby sounded bashful as she shuffled to lie down alongside Toni, their heads turned to look at each other. "You were, like, so at home out there. You were so good, I really enjoyed watching you play."

Toni smiled, turning her eyes back to the ceiling. "Suppose that's what Stanford sees in me."

"You suppose?" 

"I just feel like I can be better, I can always  _ do better."  _ Toni sighed. "It's a lot sometimes, the pressure to just-" 

"Be good enough," Shelby finished, and Toni turned to look at her. 

"Yeah." Toni breathed. "Yeah. I don't know if I've ever felt good enough."

"I hadn't with my family, or Andrew, or anyone, really." Shelby shrugged. "But then I met you."

Toni frowned. "Me?" 

"Yeah. You make me feel like the real me is good enough for the world to see, I've never felt that before." Shelby admitted, and Toni couldn't not smile. 

"The real you is good enough," Toni said. "You've got no idea, dude. Everyone likes having you around, you fit in so well with the group. We're glad to have you around, Texas."

"And you're good enough, Toni." Shelby said, taking ahold of Toni's hand, linking their hands together. "You are so freaking great enough, Toni. You are so great at basketball, you have an eye for machines and how to fix them, and you have a family who love you so much."

Shelby motioned to the door, and as if on cue there was a loud bang on Dot's door being thrown open, and Fatin saying something about cocktails. 

Toni felt an odd sense of love settle over her. 

"Even without all that stuff, _you,_ as a person, are so great. You are good enough, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise." Shelby turned her head to playfully glare at Toni. "Including you, T."

Toni smiled over at Shelby, before looking back at the ceiling with that smug smile. "I could take you in a fight, Tex."

Shelby rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Such a brat," She sounded exasperated but not in the way most did when they were done with Toni, there was a fondness to this that had Toni giddy. 

They laid like that for a while, Shelby tucking her head between Toni's shoulder and the mattress, both just enjoying the silence. 

"We should probably head out." Toni muttered. 

"I just gotta get changed." Shelby gently pushed Toni's side. "Close your eyes."

"You're a child," Toni grumbled, turning onto her stomach and messing around on her phone, distracting herself from the fact Shelby was stripping behind her. 

Shot glasses were forced into their hands before they'd even sat down, Toni pinning both of them without any questioned, whereas Shelby waited to see Toni's reaction. 

Toni cringed and coughed, "Dude, white lightning? You tryna kill me?" 

"It's momma's special brew." Dot grinned. 

"Fuck, I'm gonna go blind," Toni murmured, taking another shot and pinning it, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "S'go, Texas."

Toni snagged the joint from Leah as she shuffled past, she and Shelby taking up the one person love seat, Shelby sitting half on top of her. 

"Hey," Leah frowned. 

"My tin's under the table, help yourself." Toni motioned to the metal tin housing a few pre-rolled joints. 

Leah took one and threw the tin to Toni, who took out the zippo lighter from inside and sparking up. 

"How'd you enjoy your first basketball game, Shelby?" Fatin asked as Toni passed the joint to Shelby. 

"Good, fun." Shelby nodded. "I'll definitely be going again."

"We need to get you a bike, girl."

"Good luck with that," Toni laughed. "I can't even get her on the back of mine."

"Well, you drive with a clear disregard for your own personal safety, and the safety of others." Nora pointed out, and the rest of the room murmured in agreement. 

"S'not true," Toni scowled. "I'd be careful if she was on the back."

Toni knew she'd said too much when Fatin gave her  _ that smirk _ . The one that told her Fatin knew  _ everything.  _

"It's not Toni I'm afraid of," Shelby cut in before anyone could tease Toni. "Motorcycles are dangerous."

The girls groaned and tutted. 

"I'm just going by what I've been told."

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't believe everything you get told." Rachel said. 

"You should try it." Nora said. "Statistically motorcycle  _ are  _ more dangerous than cars. And they are especially dangerous for our age group, though more so with male riders."

"Okay, Nora, you're just scaring her more." Leah laughed when she saw Shelby frown. 

"It really isn't that bad," Dot said. 

"Toni can teach you, I'm sure." Fatin offered, and Shelby turned to Toni just as she stuffed a few chips into her mouth, her cheeks puffed out, and Toni saw the way Shelby softened when she looked at her, little smile on her lips. 

"Sure," Toni shrugged with a little nod, her cheeks still puffed as she smiled at Shelby. 

And there was that look again, that tender look, so full of fucking _something,_ that something gave Toni hope every damn time. 

Maybe Shelby does feel the same, maybe Toni might good enough for that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Toni didn't expect anything to come of the promise of helping Shelby learn how to ride, and it didn't, for well over a month. 

A month of hanging out with the girls, and just the two of them, of Shelby showing up at the garage with lunch and a chat while Toni worked, of Toni just spiraling deeper and deeper into whatever this was she was feeling for Shelby, half of the time sure Shelby was feeling it right back. 

A month of Toni pushing those feelings so far down because Shelby was her friend. A surprisingly good friend. And Toni didn't want to lose anymore friends. 

"Toni?" 

"Mm?" Toni hummed, entirely focused on the little figurine she was painting, something Shelby got her last minute for her birthday, figuring she'd enjoy it. And Toni had smiled politely, honestly not haven't expected to enjoy it as much as she had. She had barely left her desk in days, Shelby on the bed behind her, either doing homework or reading. 

"Can you teach me how to ride?" 

Toni paused, slowly turning to Shelby, surprise evident on her face. "Really?" 

"Yeah, I'm curious, and I trust you."

"Yeah, cool. We can go now?" Toni offered, putting what she was working on down and turning to Shelby completely. 

Shelby actually wasn't bad. 

A natural, really, taking to riding with ease, only really struggling with the gear shifting at the beginning, and clicking the bike into neutral. 

"See," Toni laughed when Shelby hopped off the bike and hugged Toni. "You're a fucking natural."

"I have a confession to make," Shelby said. "I used to go out on ATV's a lot, I kind of knew what I was doing."

"Did you hustle me to spend time with me?" Toni gasped, playful. 

"You are in high demand." Shelby hummed. "But I was also really scared of the two wheels, you're the only one I trust."

"We'll get you on the road yet, Tex." Toni smiled, and Shelby just stared at her for a short while. 

"You wanna go somewhere?" she finally asked. 

Toni found herself nodding before she had really even registered the question. 

"Yeah?" Shelby smiled, her fingers wrapping around Toni's forearms and pulling her in closer. 

"Yeah," Toni nodded, cheeks feeling hot at the close proximity. 

"Go get your extra helmet and we'll go. I want to show you something."

"Okay," Toni agreed immediately, and it wasn't until she had gone back inside to get the helmet and was already back outside that she registered the implications of what Shelby had said. 

Shelby wanted to ride on the bike. With her. 

For some reason that made Toni nervous. 

Toni hopped on first, after handing Shelby the helmet, Shelby getting on behind her, hands hovering. 

"Uh, where'd you want me?" Shelby asked. 

"There are bars on the back for you to hold onto, or you can hold onto me, whatevers comfortable for you."

Shelby started off holding onto the bars, but scrambled for Toni when she took the first corner. 

Toni laughed, giving Shelby's shaking hands, pressing tightly against Toni's stomach, a little squeeze. 

Toni was surprised when Shelby lead her off the main road and they started down a bumpy dirt road. 

Toni only stopped because she couldn't actually go any further, the path ending in what seemed to be a make shift place for cars to turn, or for two cars to park up. 

"If you're gonna murder me, Shelby, I should warn ya." Toni grinned at Shelby as she pulled off her helmet, clipping it to the handlebars. "I'm scrappy, I'll fight to the death."

"There is no doubt in my mind that you would." Shelby said, handing Toni the helmet to clip on, too. "Come on."

"Where the fuck are we goin', Shelby?" Toni asked, but still followed Shelby blindly into the trees. 

"A place I like to go, to get away."

"How the fuck did you find it all the way out here?" 

Shelby didn't answer, and Toni stopped asking, instead trudging behind Shelby for a few minutes before they came to a clearing, on top of a cliff, looking out onto a small lake. 

"Fuck, dude." Toni stepped toward the edge, looking down. "This is cool. How'd you find it?" 

"It was summer pageant season, and I wasn't at the weight goal I needed to be at, my mom made sure I knew that. So I took up running. And I'd run for hours, until I couldn't even walk after. I'd run and I'd run and then my mom would make a comment about my portion sizes so I'd run some more and-" Shelby motioned toward their surroundings. "Found this place."

"Shelby," Toni frowned, taking a step toward Shelby, who shook her head. 

"No, it's fine, I-" 

"It's not fine," Toni snapped, a fire in her voice that she hadn't had in a while. "That is not fucking okay, Shelby. Fuck your mom, and those pageants, and anyone who makes you feel anything less than what you fucking are."

Toni turned, because she'd said far too fucking much, walking toward the edge of the cliff to look down into the clear water. 

"What am I?" Shelby asked, almost tentatively, and Toni knew the question was coming. She also knew what Shelby wanted, the answer she wanted, or she wouldn't have asked. 

Toni swallowed, licking her lips as she considered just jumping, leaping into the water just to get away from this.

But that was dramatic, and Shelby asked. Shelby didn't have to ask. 

"Perfect," Toni stayed staring at the water, but she knew Shelby heard her. 

Everything was still for a short while, then Shelby came up alongside Toni. 

"I'm not perfect," 

"Yeah, I know," Toni nodded. "No one is, though, right? So that wasn't the right word. You're… good, Shleby. So fucking good, and kind, and funny, and you care so fucking much about people who don't deserve it. You don't deserve to feel anything less than good about yourself, you don't deserve people dragging you fucking down."

Toni hadn't even meant to spill all that, so she wasn't surprised that Shelby looked so surprised. 

Then Shelby looked away, leaning over to peer down, and Toni thought she'd fucked up, then she saw the little smile on her lips. 

“You trust me?” Shelby questioned, raising her eyebrows at Toni. Toni nodded and Shelby smirked, almost mischievously. “Jump.”

Toni frowned, glancing down then back at Shelby, baffled. “Jump?”

“Jump,” Shelby confirmed. “Like this.”

Shelby stepped off the edge easily and disappeared, taking Toni completely by surprise. 

Toni recovered after a few seconds of shock, getting on her hands and knees and scurrying to the edge. “Shelby?” She called, her voice reverberating off the cliff walls that made a sort of horse shoe shape around the lake. “This isn’t funny, if you're dead your parents will have my fucking head.”

“Just come down here,” Toni released a little sigh at the sound of Shelby’s voice, which was dumb, Shelby wouldn’t jump blindly into somewhere she knew nothing about. 

"I dunno, Texas."

"Not scared, are ya, captain?" 

Toni knew she was being baited, she knew what Shelby was doing, yet she bit. 

"Scared," Toni scoffed, taking a step back, them took a breath before stepping off the cliff. 

It was a shock to her system when she breached the cold water, gasping when she resurfaced. 

"You fucking scared me, you asshole." Toni slashed Shelby, who laughed. 

"Sorry," She said, fighting Toni off when Toni went to duck her under. "Behave."

"Me? When have I ever," Toni grinned, then they were fighting, splashing and ducking each other, until they were gasping for breath, Toni watching Shelby as she laughed, pushing her wet hair out of her face. 

They were close, Toni's hands still on Shelby's shoulders, and Shelby's hands found their way to Toni's hips. 

"This place is cool, Shelby. Thank you for showing me."

"No, I- thank _you_ , Toni." Shelby said, and there was such sincerity behind it that Toni figured she should really know why she was thanking her. 

"Me? What've I done?" 

"I've just been really happy since we met, is all." Shelby admitted, her eyes not leaving Toni's face, flicking from her eyes and her lips. "You've made me realise that I can be who I am, and still have people love me."

"I didn't--I shouldn't be taking credit for people _loving_ you, Texas." Toni said. "But I'm glad you've found comfort in the girls."

"In you, mostly." Shelby said, quiet, pulling Toni in closer, to the point they were almost pressed together. 

"Shelby," Toni breathed, her eyes falling on Shelby's lips. "What're you doing?" 

"I've just--I've wanted to-- for a while." Shelby licked her lips, their foreheads touching now. "Can I?" 

"Yes." Toni managed to force out, then Shelby was kissing her, this slow, tentative kiss that set Toni's nerve endings on fire. 

It took a few beats before Toni kissed back, so soft, so unsure, she didn't want to scare Shelby off. 

But Shelby seemed all in, pulling Toni flush against her, only deepening the kiss, so Toni went with it, kissing Shelby with all she had. 

If she was only gonna get one shot at this she was gonna make sure Shelby fucking remembered it. 

"Gosh," Shelby gasped when she separated. 

"Mhm," Toni hummed, eyes screwed shut, she didn't want to open them, just in case. 

Just in case this was a dream. 

Or Shelby decided to run. Or look at her with disgust. 

"Toni," Shelby spoke softly, her fingertips tickling Toni's cheek. "Hey, Toni, look at me."

Toni finally opened her eyes, and Shelby smiled at her. 

"There she is," Shelby smiled. "Was that okay? I'm sorry if it wasn't."

"It's was so okay. Was it okay for you?" 

"The kiss was-" Shelby trailed off with a dreamy sigh. "I'm still gonna struggling a bit, with the guilt, with all that internalised stuff. But I'm not running, I don't want to run from you."

That made Toni's heart seize, she wasn't going to run. She didn't want to run. Yet, anyway, but Toni would take it.

She had time to convince Shelby she was worth it. 

"Did you bring me here to woo me, Goodkind?" Toni teased and Shelby laughed. 

"That obvious?" 

"A little," Toni hummed, pulling Shelby in for a quick kiss. "Super fucking sweet, though."

\--

They swam for a short while before settling on the bank of the lake, both lying on their backs as they talks. 

"See that's what fucks me off." Toni huffed. "Hades wasn't a bad dude. He just had a shit job but he wasn't evil or shit."

"He is the God of death."

"No, he's the good of the underworld, that's different. He wasn't good or bad, he was just aloof. He was one of the more reasonable deities, in the myth of Orpheus and Eurydike, right? Hades actually agrees to let Orpheus bring his wife Eurydike back from the dead 'cause he thought he was a dope musician or some shit. Someone who was evil wouldn't do that. He wasn't a good dude but-"

Toni didn't get the chance to finish, because Shelby was kissing her, rolling half on top of her. 

"Oh, uh, what-" Toni cleared her throat as she looked up at Shelby. "What was that for?" 

"You were just… talking, and I just--I had to kiss you, I dunno." Shelby tried to explain. "Should I have asked? I should've asked."

"No," Toni shook her head, hand on Shelby's cheek. "Kiss me whenever."

"I don't think I want to _stop_ ," Shelby admitted. 

So they didn't, lounging around the lake until it started getting dark and a little cold.

Shelby had to go home by the time they got back to Toni's, which made Toni a little anxious as she walked Shelby to her car. 

"We're, like, good, right?" Toni asked, and Shelby smiled, pulling Toni in by her hand, giving her a lingering kiss on her lips. 

"We are good, Toni." Shelby promised. "We can talk about it tomorrow, okay? I need to get my head straight."

Shelby rolled her eyes when Toni grinned. 

"But you are not something I'm thinking over. I'm so sure about you." Shelby assured, and Toni felt her anxieties ease. "I will see you tomorrow? I have to go to church in the morning, but I'm free after."

"I'm off tomorrow, so I will be home all day." 

"I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow," Toni nodded, smiling against Shelby's lips when she kissed her again. 

Leah was the only one in when Toni headed upstairs, that dopy fucking smile still on her lips. 

"What's wrong with your face?" Leah asked, eyeing Toni as she fell. Down onto the sofa. 

"Fuck off." Toni tucked her arms under her head. 

"Shelby, right?" Leah rolled her eyes when Toni shrugged. "Don't let Fatin know it was helping her ride that got you both together."

Toni didn't argue, didn't bother saying anything, feeling too blissful to really give a shit. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

Shelby spent the night whenever she could, which was surprisingly easy for a girl who was under the thumb of her father. 

Apparently being high up in the church required a lot of overnight stays, and the time away was the only excitement Shelby's mom got so she would always go, too, leaving Shelby home alone and the younger kids with their grandparents. 

The first time she stayed over after the kiss was also the first time they had sex and it was, surprisingly, Toni who was the one who couldn't stop shaking under Shelby. 

"Why are you shaking?" Shelby breathed against Toni's lips. "Do you want to stop? We can stop."

"No. No, I don't." Toni assured. "I promise. I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

That made Shelby tilt her head curiously, an elbow braced against the pillow beside Toni's head, her hand tickling Toni's bare stomach. "You're nervous? You've done this before."

"So?" Toni huffed. "I'm just nervous, okay? I'm sorry, I'll stop."

Toni knew she sounded frustrated, and she was, because this was so fucking stupid, and she was ruining everything. 

"Hey," Shelby spoke softly, her hand coming up to cup Toni's cheek. "It's okay, I wasn't asking because it was annoying, I was just making sure you're okay."

Toni melted a little, licking her lips, and holding onto the wrist of the hand that was on her cheek, giving a little squeeze. 

"I'm sorry, this just feels different from any of the other girls." Toni admitted, her thumb rubbing the skin on Shelby's wrist. 

Shelby nodded, "I'm not not nervous," She admitted. "But we'll muddle through, yeah?" 

Muddle through was how it stared, but seeing Shelby topless and straddling Toni, watching her own hand as in trailed down Toni's stomach, seemed to snap Toni out of whatever nervous daze she was in. 

She quickly sat up, holding onto Shelby's hips as she flipped them over. 

Shelby yelped in surprise, hair splayed out, eyes wide as she looked up at Toni. "Hi," She breathed and Toni grinned. 

"Hey," Toni bumped her nose against Shelby's, her fingertips ghosting up her side, making Shelby squirm. "Man, you're so fucking beautiful."

"Toni," Shelby looked away, bashful, and Toni smiled, pressing her nose against Shelby's cheek.

"If you want to stop just say the word, Tex." Toni whispered against Shelby's cheek. "We'll go play Fallout or something."

It was a little messy, Shelby was a bit fumbly, but, to Toni, sex with Shelby was beyond anything she'd ever felt with anyone else before. 

Maybe this is what Leah talked about when she used to say sex with _the one_. Granted, he ended up being nothing but a pervert but still, maybe its true. 

They didn't leave bed for a long while after, both lying on their fronts, Toni with the sheets pooled around her waist, Shelby dressed in a pair of Toni's boxers, on top of the duvet.

They were just talking, and everything seems fine, calm, even, which is why Shelby's complete shift in mood took her so completely by surprise. 

It started when Shelby's phone stared ringing in the desk, they ignored it the first time but then is started ringing again immediately after so she groaned and got up to go answer. 

And Toni couldn't not stare as Shelby got off of the bed, walking across the room in just a pair of Toni's boxers, turning herself onto her back and pushing herself up onto her elbows to openly watch her. 

"What?" Shelby asked, glancing at Toni as she routed around in her bag for her phone. 

Toni shook her head, to focused on how fucking sexy this girl was to pick up on the tone of Shelby's voice. "Nothin'." 

"No, you're staring, Toni." Shelby clicked her fingers when it was clear Toni wasn't listening, visibly starling her, and when Toni lifted her eyes she was surprised to see Shelby looked mad. "What are you staring at?" 

"You," Toni frowned, baffled at the tone of the conversation she had been thrown into. 

"Why thought?"

"You're fucking pretty, Shelby. What the fuck." Toni scowled, feeling attacked, and Shelby looked about ready to fight, but then her shoulders eased, and she looked away again, down at her phone. "What was that?" 

Shelby shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it happens with stuff like this. But if I don't know what it was about I won't know what to avoid doing in future." Toni held a hand out to Shelby, wiggling her fingers, and Shelby took the hand, allowing herself to be pulled back onto bed. 

Toni tickled Shelby's back lazily. 

"Ya know, I've only ever had one relationship, Regan, but one thing that relationship taught me was that talking about shit is, like, mad helpful."

Shelby shrugged. "I'm just not used to people looking at me without judgement, I freaked." 

"Oh," Toni hummed, that made sense, Shelby had spent every little moment of her life being judged, and Toni was the first person she had been this intimate with, so of course that would be her first thought. "I wasn't. I wouldn't. Not to be a non-feminist or whatever, but you're really fucking sexy."

Shelby laughed, hiding her face against Toni's shoulder, and Toni flipped when over, pressing Shelby against the mattress as she stared down at her. 

"Toni," Shelby whined, covering her face. 

"What?" Toni pried her hands away. 

"Stop," 

"You're beautiful, Shelby. So fucking beautiful." Toni kissed Shelby's cheek. "Wanna go get pizza and go to the carpark, watch movies like we used to?" 

Shelby melted, her hands on Toni's cheeks as she kissed her. "That sounds nice."

So they bundled into comfortable clothes and heading out, flipping off Fatin, sitting in the living room with Nora and Dot, when she made a comment about how they haven't left the room all day. 

Shelby was quiet the whole drive, and Toni knew she was mulling something over, she thought about asking, but they had just had sex for the first time, Shelby's first time every, so Toni left her to it, figuring it was that same guilt she had from their first kiss. 

"I need to tell you about something. Someone."

Toni had been spaced out, staring unfocused at the laptop as she played with Shelby's fingers, so she jumped at the sudden noise.

"Okay?" Toni lifted her eyes to Shelby, and she could  _ see  _ the fear in her eyes. Toni frowned, her hand finding Shelby's cheek. "Hey, whatever it is, it's fine."

Shelby shook her head. "She killed herself, Toni. Because of me."

Toni stayed quiet, knowing Shelby wasn't done and she didn't want to make this harder than it already was, so she tickled the back on Shelby's hand in what she hoped was a calming gesture, she was never very good at this stuff. 

"She was my best friend, she'd had issues before but my dad, he put her through a program, she was supposed to be  _ fixed.  _ But then I kissed her, and my dad saw, I blamed her and everyone believed me." Shelby sniffed, and Toni brought their joined hands up to her lips. "They were sending her away again, and she  _ told  _ me what that place was like, it was awful. She came to my house the morning she was supposed to leave, I think she was looking for something to hold onto, something to stop herself but I didn't give her that, I was so nasty, so horrible."

Shelby cleared her throat, eyes filled with tears. 

"She's killed herself before she could leave that night." 

Toni nodded, because Shelby was looking at her pleadingly and she wasn't really sure what else to do.

"You fucked up, people do, that's just life, but what makes you a better person is understanding what you did and never doing it again."

"Someone died, Toni."

"Yeah, and I'm sorry but that's your fucking father fault, not yours." Toni said. "You were made to believe something about you, something so deeply rooted as who you are going to love is so wrong that it needs fixed. That fucks you up, you fucked up because of that, and yeah, you shouldn't have been horrible but, Shelby, you were made to believe you were saving her or some shit."

Shelby stared down at their hands. 

"So, yeah, don't forget her, don't forget what that fine Christian  _ hate  _ can do but don't take on the blame. Blame her parents, your father, the fucking world for being such a shitty place, but not you. You were a kid struggling with something big."

Shelby nodded, a few tears rolling down her cheek, Toni quickly wiped them away. 

"You're not running away," Shelby commented. "I thought you would."

"I run weird, no one wants to see that." Toni grinned when Shelby smiled, looking exhausted. "I'm not running, I'm not going anywhere. 'Cause people fuck up, Shelby, god knows I have, and I would  _ hate  _ for you to leave because of my past."

Shelby softened. "I won't."

Toni nodded at the promise, and she really believed her. 

"When I still lived uptown I had a best friend, she had been my best friend for years. A few days before I was sent away I found out the Parkers didn't want me anymore, so I flipped out, took my anger out on something I thought was good." Toni sighed. "See, Marty, she- someone hurt her when she was a kid, it'd all just come up the month before so I went and found the dude, completely wrecked his house and car."

"I don't blame you," 

Toni nodded. "Marty did. See, she's adamant that he didn't do shit wrong but eight kids come forward, Shelby. He was doing shit to them, so even if he didn't touch Marty I'm not sorry for it. I'm just sorry it cost me my friendship with my best friend." Toni sighed. "I can tell you more, if you'd like, could write a trilogy with how often I've fucked up."

"Temper like yours, I believe it." Shelby teased and Toni chuckled. 

"Here's the thing Shelby, we're kids. And kids fuck up, we lash out, we do things we shouldn't do because we're raised in a world full of hate and violence and  _ fear,  _ and we don't know what else to do." Toni shrugged. "And I'm sorry, I don't think it's fair that we feel so bad about our fuck ups while the generations before us are happy after fucking up the world so much they're basically handing us a shattered vase and telling us to piece that shit back together. I just--you need to be kinder to yourself, Shelby, allow yourself to be human, and not just a prefect pageant princess all the time."

Shelby nodded, giving Toni's hand a little squeeze before pulling her in for a kiss. Shelby sighed against her lips. "Thank you, Toni."

"You ever heard the origin of the world according to Maori?" Toni asked, hand tightly clasped in Shelby.

"No, but tell me."

"Maori believe everything stems from one primal pair, Rangi, the sky father, and Papa, the earth mother. At the very beginning it was just pitch black. Te Ponui, Te Poroa --the Great Night, the Long Night--. It was just empty, dark, black then a glow appeared, the moon and the sun appeared, and the heavens were made. Then Rangi lived with Papa, but as the two clung together. The Sky lay upon the Earth, and light hadn't come between'em." Toni licked her lips, looking up at Shelby half expecting her to not be listening, most didn't at this point, but Shelby was watching her attentively through tearful eyes. "so the earth was just dark, and the kids were in that darkness, arguing amongst themselves about how to bring about day and night. Good old Tumatauenga, god of war, he wanted to kill their parents, but Tane Mahuta, god of the forests, figured that was a bit dramatic, and that they could just pry them apart, everyone sided with Tane. They did all they could to pry them apart, fucking Tumatauenga was just hacking away at them with his axe but nothing worked. Finally Tane'd had enough, thrusting with his mighty feet lifting Rangi away from Papa, so was night distinguished from day."

Toni finished with a tight lipped smile. 

"There's more to it than that, of course. You have the creation of women, the snaring of the sun, Maui. But that's the creation of everything, I suppose." Toni shrugged. 

"Tell me about it," Shelby requested, and she looked genuinely interested, so Toni agreed, but only if they could cuddle in the back seat.

Toni spent the rest of the night with Shelby tucked against her chest, talking her through Maori mythology, then moving in to staring at the stars.

It wasn't until Toni pointed to a particular constellation and Shelby didn't move to look that Toni realised she was asleep on her chest. 

\--

They talked about it in the car when they get back home, what they were to each other. 

It ended up the way Toni kind of expected; Shelby wanted to be with her but she couldn't leave Andrew,  _ not yet _ . 

And Toni understood that part, the part she didn't get was where she stood. So she asked and Shelby explained. 

She didn't want to not kiss Toni after getting to see what it's like. She just needed Toni to be patient, until she figured everything out, figured out life after her family, and while Toni was the furthest thing from patient she understood that this was delicate. Delicate wasn't Toni's forte either, but she was willing to give both her best fucking shot if it made life easier for Shelby. 

They had a better understanding when they headed back inside, and that came with this odd calmness over them that was just really fucking nice. 

Maybe Regan wasn't wrong about the talking bullshit. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

It had been a long week of training every day, working most nights, knowing that once she was in her senior year she was going to have to dock her hours to focus on her scholarships so she had to get extra in now while she could. 

She was exhausted leaving work come the tenth day of that, but Shelby had texted her just before she got on her bike, something about a surprise at home, which was enough to give Toni that last push to get home. 

"I'm telling you, Tex, I'm not leaving my bed for the next two days. Not for nothing." Toni called as she kicked off her shoes, figuring Shelby would be in the living room. "I'm off for three days, maybe we can do something on the third."

Toni rounded the corner, stopping dead when she spotting Shelby at the kitchen isle with Martha. 

"That would be nice, Toni." Shelby said, sounding unsure.

"Marty?"

"Hey, Toni." Martha smiled, and Toni frowned, glancing between Martha and Shelby. 

"What's, uh- what're you doing here?" Toni asked. 

"To talk, we didn't get the chance before you left."

"Well, yeah, you kicked me out." Toni shot back, defensive, then she closed her eyes and took a breath, fist clenched at her side. 

"I was wrong. You were wrong in with what you did, but my reaction and the things I said? Also wrong." Martha stood, moving closer to Toni, who suddenly felt so small in a was only Martha could make her feel, like a sad little kid who was being mothered. "I would like to talk it out."

Toni nodded. "Me too."

Martha nodded, heading to make them tea, while Shelby stood, moving closer to Toni.

"Shelby," Toni breathed, unable to line up any kind of sentence that conveyed how she felt. 

"Call me before bed, yeah?" Shelby smiled, pressing a kiss to Toni's lips. "Goodnight, Toni. Night, Martha, it was nice to meet you."

"You too, Shelby." Martha smiled back, then Shelby was looked back at Toni. 

"Thank you, Shelby."

"You're welcome, Honey." Shelby said, and Toni's heart stuttered in her chest at the pet name. 

Shelby looked a little panicked so quickly excused herself.

"She's nice," Martha commented when Toni came up alongside her. "Not exactly your type, though."

"Yeah," Toni hummed. "She's kinda took me by surprise."

"You look happy," Martha commented, and Toni smiled at her. 

"I am. But I miss you so much, Marty. I didn't- I mean, I _did_ mean to, but I am sorry. You know what I'm like with delicate shit but I'm trying to be better."

"I can tell, when Shelby found me and described you I recognised the little girl I first became friends with, not the person you were at the end." Martha said. "I've come to terms with what happened, I would like to tell you once we have tea."

Toni nodded. "Yeah, cool."

They cried so much that night, exhausting themself to the point Martha fell asleep on the sofa just after ten. 

Fatin and Leah came home just before eleven, eyeing Toni and Martha with a little smile. 

"All good?" Fatin asked, sitting down on the two seater with Leah. 

"Yeah," Toni nodded, motioning to Martha. "Shelby, she-" 

"Yeah, she's been asking a lot of questions about her." Leah said. 

"She's a Saint, that girl."

"Yeah." Toni smile. 

"She thought you were in love with Marty and still went and found her," Leah said. 

"That's, like, a whole other level." Fatin added. 

Toni hadn't known this, her heart only swelling more at the fact. 

"God, you're so in love." Leah grumbled. 

"It's disgusting."

"Shut up," Toni huffed, "At least she's my age."

"Oh," Fatin laughed, glancing at Leah who rolled her eyes, flipping off a smirking Toni. 

And, yeah, Toni's heart was just so fucking full. 

She was so fucking scared of it all being snatched away.

\--

She and Marty just fit seamlessly back together, like nothing ever happened. 

It was nice, for the first time in her life she was feeling content, but Toni knows what she does with content. 

It was exhausting, she would be relaxed, Shelby asleep on her chest on the sofa while Toni played video games, or read, and everything would just be so good that Toni was suddenly seized by the thought of what if I fuck this up, too. 

And it was so irrational, so stupid, but it just completely take over. Then, as if it was her fucking super power to know when Toni was over thinking, Shelby would look at her and smile that pretty smile, maybe make some comment about Toni's freckles, and it would ease up a little. 

Realising she loved Shelby did _not_ help ease any of her anxieties. 

It was such a mundane time that she realised it, too, that Toni felt like a total _fucking_ loser. 

It was a Sunday, Shelby had spent the weekend, and the girls had had a party the night before, all feeling a little worse for wear, so they were all sprawled out all over the living room, some watching Toni as she played through the old Crash Bandicoot game, others messing around on their phone, eating, reading. 

It was just nice to be able to be this relaxed around people. 

Toni was on her back on the two seater, leg hanging off the end, joint perched between her lips as she played the game. And Shelby was lying with her head on Toni's chest, reading. 

Fatin snorted as Toni died, again, at the same spot in a dumb way, but accepted the joint when Toni offered it. "Dumbass."

"Fucking stupid," Toni grumbled, jamming her finger tips against her forehead, only stopping when a hand wrapped around her wrist. 

Shelby gave her a warning look, but was still smiling mischievously at her. "Dumbass." she tease, and something in Toni's chest just fucking exploded, and suddenly it made sense why Shelby was so important to her, why life before Shelby seems like it was world's ago. 

Toni moved on autopilot, apparently, her hand finding Shelby's chin, pulling her in for a lingering kiss because Toni _fucking loved her_. Not that she was ready to say that yet.

"That's fucking gross, dude." Dot groaned. 

"On a fucking Sunday, the day of rest." Fatin threw her nail file at them. "The Lords fucking day."

Shelby laughed against her chest as Toni glared at the girls, while everyone chuckled. 

It felt like a stupidly perfect time to realise she was in love.

\--

Toni had been working on it for a while, even before Shelby asked Toni to teach her to ride. 

It was Fatin's old frame, a baby blue Lexmoto tempest, it just gave up working and instead of paying someone to fix it Fatin just bought a new one, but Toni didn't have it in her to throw it away, so it had been tucked away at the back of the garage for six months before Toni met Shelby, a further three before she started working on it. 

It had been an easy fix, but the parts would cost a lot, so Toni had to wait around for the parts to pass through in scrap, and hopefully they'd be salvageable. 

It took another four months to find the parts that would work well enough. 

It just so happened to fit in with Shelby's birthday and the beginning of summer. 

Toni was at the bar, had spent the day texting Shelby, so she knew she was at the church. 

Toni didn't even spot her first, Leah did, grinning at her and nudged her head in the direction of the church. 

And there was Shelby standing beside her mother and her Andrew, glancing between them and Toni, before looking down at her phone. 

_Drive over._

Toni frowned down at her phone, lifting her eyes to Shelby, who was watching her with a scowl, and nodded. 

So Toni did, even with her friends telling her it probably wasn't the best idea. 

The look Shelby's mother gave her was a look Toni thrived on, the look absolute disgust. 

"Hey," Toni greeted Shelby. 

"This is what this is about," The woman snarled, motioning to Toni. "This group of _friends_ you have."

"I haven't seen you in weeks," Andrew added, but Shelby was looking right at Toni, and Toni was scrambling to figure out what she wanted. 

"I got something I wanna show you, Texas." Toni said watching Shelby as she relaxed. _That_ was what she wanted, an out. An escape. "Come on, Tex, you're gonna love this."

“Don’t you dare, Shelby Goodkind.” Mrs Goodkind warned and Shelby stiffened, and for a second Toni honestly thought that was it. Shelby was going to listen to her mother. 

But then Shelby shoved her books into Andrew's hand and rushed toward Toni, not even sparing her mother a glance. 

Toni smirked at the woman, waving at her mockingly. “Bye, Mrs Goodkind.”

Shelby hopped on the back, “I’ll be back later tonight, mom.” She said, pulling on the helmet. 

“Atta girl,” Toni said, waiting for Shelby to grab onto her waist before taking off. 

Toni took them straight to the garage, waiting for Shelby to get off the bike before turning to her, giving her a once over. 

"You alright?" 

"You know," Shelby sighed, sounding relieved almost. "I really am."

"What happened? 

"They found me applying to scholarships all over the US and Canada." Shelby admitted, big smile on her lips. "And I think I can do it, I think they'll take me."

"That's amazing, Shelby." Toni smiled against Shelby's lips when she kissed her. "Come on, I do have something to show you."

"You do?" Shelby frowned, allowing Toni to drag her along into the garage. 

"Okay, sit." Toni moved Shelby to sit down before instructing her to close her eyes. "Right, it ain't much, but I know it's your birthday soon."

Toni groaned as she pushed the bike out of the back room, giving it a look to make sure everything was fine before telling Shelby to open her eyes. 

She looked at the bike, then looked around, then at Toni, frown on her brow. 

"The bike?" 

"No, the tool box. Yes, the bike, Texas." Toni laughed, suddenly nervous. 

"How could you afford this?" Shelby frowned as she moved closer, coming to a stop in front of Toni. 

"Oh, it's Fatin's old one, I've been scavenging parts and stuff to fix it up. I didn't put any money into to, just time." Toni patted the seat, shrugging. "She'll last you a year, maybe two if we keep up with repairs."

Toni finally looked back to Shelby to see her watching her with a soft smile. 

"I just finished it last night, she's yours. If you want-" 

"Toni," Shelby laughed as she hooked an arm around Toni and pulled her in closer. 

"Sorry," Toni grumbled, embarrassed as she glanced away, palms flat against Shelby's chest. "I ramble when I'm nervous."

"I know," Shelby smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of Toni's head, then her cheek, before gently taking ahold of Toni's chin and pulling her face round to kiss her on the lips. "I love it, Toni, thank you."

Toni nodded, taking a deep breath, relieved. 

She looked up at Shelby when she tentatively touched her face, little frown in her brow as she stared at Toni intently. 

"Shelby?" 

"I love _you_ , Toni."

There was a rushing in Toni's ears at those words, to the point she thought she'd made them up, but she could see how Shelby was looking at her; pleading, loving, a little surprised herself. 

"You do?" Toni asked, couldn't help herself, she had no idea how she managed to swing this one. 

"Yeah," Shelby nodded, more confident this time. "I do. I just realised it, I think, that this is what love feels like. It can't be anything else."

"Yeah," Toni laughed, soft, relieved almost. "I think you're right, Shelby."

"Yeah?" Shelby was shy all of a sudden, tucking her chin into her chest in that bashful way she does, and Toni was so absolutely in love with her. 

Toni pulled Shelby in for a kiss, smiling against her lips when Shelby laughed. 

"Yeah," Toni whispered against Shelby's lips, kissing her, slow and sweet, enough to make Shelby shudder. "I love you, Shelby."

"Okay, good." Shelby breathed, then giggled, pulling Toni in for another kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com

It was Shelby's bright idea, and everything in Toni was telling her it wasn't a good one, that Toni would hate it, but all the other girls were in, and Shelby enticed her with weed, fire, and the promise of some alone time. 

Which is how they all ended up on their bikes, well, everyone except Dot, who drove her truck to take everyone's luggage and the tent. 

The site was just the sandy section by the lake Shelby had taken her to, and that was somewhat comforting to Toni, who was unreasonably anxious about the whole thing. 

She had camped before, when she was homeless, and that was _not_ easy, Toni got hurt most nights. 

Shelby put Toni and Leah to work on the tent, Shelby's big ten man tent she used on retreats at the church. 

Which, really? Two of the most volatile in the group and you put them on the most tedious task. 

But they did it, and Toni only threatened Leah's life twice, shoved her over three times, and Leah only smacked Toni with the poles once. 

"Hey grumpy," Shelby came up behind Toni, who was tearing apart a leaf as she watched the water, poking her side. 

"Leah's a pain in the dick sometimes." Toni shrugged. 

"Come have a beer," Shelby took ahold of Toni's hand and gave a little tug. 

Toni eventually managed to relax, laughing and joking around with her friends around the fire, and Shelby was right, this was different from the times she was homeless.

Shelby was so attentive, barely giving Toni time to breath, and Toni fucking loved it, couldn't get enough of it. She didn't give a fuck that their friends were teasing them as Toni dragged her away, Shelby did at first, but then Toni had her pushed up against a tree and was sinking to her knees, that little smirk on her lips and any thoughts that Shelby currently had were out the window. 

They were gone for a while, looking a little rumpled when they got back, but everyone was so focused in the fire they left them alone. 

"Put some music on," Fatin waved her hand, an order to anyone who wanted to take it up. "Something chill."

"Sorry to say it but if you want chill, that's Toni." Leah motioned to Toni. "She's into all that acoustic country shit."

"You guys always veto out my music any other time." Toni scoffed, but accepted the speaker Dot was holding out to her. 

"That's cause it's shit for most occasions but this? This requires shit country." Fatin said and Toni scoffed, jovially sticking her tongue out at her. 

Toni hooked her phone up to the speaker, hitting shuffle, rolling her eyes at the looks she got when Country roads started playing. 

She skipped to the next song before throwing her phone and the speaker into the middle, near the fire. 

"Can you fucking believe," Rachel started, head on Dot's lap as she passed over the bottle. "That Toni fucking Shalifoe is the one who ended up with a church girl?" 

The group hummed and laughed, including Shelby, who laughed when Toni glared at her. 

"Well, it's true." Shelby shrugged. 

"Could be worse, Toni, you could go for a writer." Fatin said side eyeing Leah, who groaned. 

"I'm dumb, okay? Shut up."

Leah _had_ been dumb, but they all had at one point, when it came to love. Toni remembers the night Leah got her heart completely decimated by Jeff, and how everyone seemed to take up a certain role. 

Fatin offered her a girls night and make over. Nora had offered her some jokes then a drawing. Rachel challenged her to a game of Mario Kart to distract her and Dot made them all food and cocktails. 

Toni sat off to the side and quietly seethe, every sob from Leah sending a white hot flash of anger through Toni's chest. 

After one particularly heart wrenching sob Toni stood, anger having reached a boiling point, and headed straight for the door, intent on finding Jeff somehow and dealing with her. 

Dot had managed to quietly talk her down from going to his place right then and there and fucking killing him, like she had wanted to when she found out the pervy bastard had his hands on Leah in the first place

Then, after Leah had cried herself to sleep they all dropped the roles they'd taken in favour of planning how to make Jeff pay. 

It was Toni who actually did the dirty work, insisted on it. And he caught her as she kicked his wing mirror off after having stabbed his tires and keys his car, she made eye contact as she kicked it off, smirking. 

And she knew he knew who she was, why she was here, and she fucking thrived on the fear in his eyes. 

"But let's not forget about Jasmine."

Toni startled at the name, lost in thought, scowling at Leah. "What the fuck, dude? I'm just minding my business here, why'd you come after me when you could've gone after fucking Riley." Toni motioned to Rachel, who gasped. "Oh come on, that boy was a dick. There is no one more dickish than a straight, white male swimmer, dude."

"Yeah, okay, that's fair." Rachel grumbled. 

"The only one who got it right first time was Nora." Toni said, arm swinging in the direction of Nora, joint perched between her lips. "Quinn's a fucking sweetheart."

The group murmured in agreement. 

"Toni could have got it right first time if she acted sooner." Nora pointed out, and Toni went silent, because one; Nora was talking about Shelby like she was the one, and maybe she was. And two; Shelby didn't know how long her crush had stood. 

Fatin whistled, and Marty giggled, and Toni could feel her face fucking _burn_ as Shelby lifted her head to look at her. 

"What does that mean?" Shelby asked and Toni sighed, but she couldn't bring herself to glare at Nora, who looked sheepish and apologetic. 

"It's not a big deal, I just--I kinda had a crush on you when I lived up town. From when I first moved there, I guess." Toni shrugged, rolling her eyes at Shelby's soft expression. "Whatever dude, don't. I don't wanna do mushy shit in front'a Leah, she's a crier."

"Hey," Leah lamely argued. 

Shelby laughed, shaking her head in a way that had Toni, and the rest of the group, curious. 

"What's funny?" Nora frowned. 

"The first time I met Toni we were twelve, I don't know if you remember." Shelby glanced at Toni. "You'd just busted some guys lip because he touched Leah without permission. And you were being dragged away by teacher, still shouting stuff at the kid you punched, and ended up running into me. You just looked so happy, big smile on your face like you were on a theme park ride. Then you were like ' _sorry 'bout that, blondie_ ' and then you were dragged away. I didn't stop thinking about you for a long time after that."

"I remember that day," Toni nodded, motioning to Leah. "Fucking Derek, right? He was being creepy with you for weeks."

"He's still weird now." Leah shuddered. 

That made Toni frown. "He is?" 

"Yes, but leave him be." Leah waved Toni off. 

Toni put a pin in that for later. 

"But that wasn't the first time we met." Toni said, and Shelby frowned. "I got here in the summer, and I ended up in hospital the day before school, broken rib, you were there."

"I was? I wasn't a candy striper that young."

"No," Toni shook her head. "I dunno what you were doing, but you were playing with two kids, one of the cars went rouge. I gave it back to you, you smiled and thanked me and that was that. _I_ didn't stop thinking about _you_ for a long time after that."

Shelby frowned, thoughtful, then contemplative, then the realisation set in. 

"You also had," Shelby straightened, running her fingertips over the scar over Toni's nose, the scar she got that night. "That was you."

"This is, like, some Nicolas Sparks level whiteness right now." Fatin said, laughing when Toni flipped her off.

"It's cute," Martha gushed, and Nora agreed. 

Toni groaned, covering her face with her hands.

"I used to be cool," She murmured into her palms, and Shelby laughed, ticking the sliver of skin between her sweatshirt and shorts. 

"No you didn't," Fatin scoffed. 

"You were _never_ cool," Dot agreed. 

"People were just too afraid to tell you otherwise." Leah added. 

"Fuck off," Toni scowled, looking at Martha. "Marty!" 

"You made me and mom play dungeons and dragons with you." Martha shrugged, and the group laughed. 

"That's a good fucking game, losers."

The group seemed to turn their attention away from her after that, satisfied they'd riled her up enough, but Shelby stayed focused on her, fingertips tickling Toni's stomach as she smiled up at her. 

"If it's any conciliation-" 

"It won't be." Toni murmured.

"-you're a pretty nerd."

Toni rolled her eyes, but she was fucking smiling, no matter how hard she tried to push it away. "Fuck off."

They left late the followed day, all going for a swim the morning, had breakfast before heading back to the bikes. 

Shelby headed up with the first group, Toni staying behind to pack up the tent with Leah and Nora. 

Toni stopped dead as she breached the top of hill and had a visual on Shelby, dressed in her jeans and hoodie/leather jacket combo. She was leaning against her bike, legs crossed at the ankles, laughing at something Dot had said. 

Then her eyes found Toni's, still mid-laugh, and Toni felt like that air had been forced out of her lungs at just how much she cared for this woman. The rush off affection almost suffocating against her ribs.

"Let's go, Romeo." Leah shouldered Toni's back, causing her to stumble before continued she walking. 

She threw the tent and her bag into Dot's truck before heading straight for Shelby, who frowned at her, probably at the intensity in her eyes. 

Toni didn't say anything, her hands finding Shelby's cheeks and she kissed her, pressing herself again Shelby, legs either side of Shelby's. 

At first Toni was worried she was a little over zealous, almost knocking the bike over and them in the process but, even in her surprise, Shelby was able to steady them, her hands finding Toni's lower back.

Toni didn't care that her friends were teasing them, whistling and yelling things at them, so lost in just everything Shelby as Shelby giggled into her kiss, but only pressed closer to Toni. 

Toni pulled back just a a little, their foreheads touching, and Shelby blinked a few time, still a little surprised.

"Uh, what was that for?"

Toni shrugged. "You're hot and I wanted to."

Shelby nodded, quick and choppy. "Sure, yeah, you can do it whenever you want."

Toni grinned, kissing Shelby again, hard and fast. "Noted." She said, her eyebrows rising and falling quickly, before turning to head back to her own bike. 

"Oh, shut up." She heard Shelby scoff, and when she turned around Fatin had her arms wrapped around herself pretending to make out with someone while Dot made kissy faces at her. 

Shelby caught Toni's eye as she turned to get on her bike, giving her _that smile_ , the one reserved just for Toni, and Toni's heart swelled. At least until Leah blocked her view, grinning and wiggling her eyebrows, Rachel laughing beside her. 

"You guys are fucking morons." Toni hissed. 

\--

Everything was going well, she was fucking _happy_ , which was why she wasn't really all that surprised when she got a panicked phone call from Leah. 

Toni was working on a car at the time, had been all day and was exhausted. 

"Hey, Lee." Toni greeted, phone trapped between her ear and shoulder as she sat in the drivers seat of the car. "Everything alright?" 

"I don't think so, Shelby showed up at my place." Leah explained, and Toni stopped dead. "She's crying, I don't know what's going on but it feels bad."

"Okay, I'll come right over, but I'm at work so I'm a half hour out at least." Toni said, hopping out of the car and going to grab her bike keys and jacket. "Give her some of that lavender tea you like, she loves that gross shit."

By the time Toni got there Shelby had pulled herself together enough that it looked like nothing had even happened. She gave Toni that same smile and sweet kiss she always did, asked her about her day like she always would. 

Toni glanced at Leah when Shelby headed back into the kitchen, who shrugged, shaking her head because she had no idea what happened either. "One minute she was sobbing the next she was making tea and smiling." Leah said, watching Shelby in the kitchen. "It's kinda disorientating."

"Yeah," Toni hummed, giving Leah a little smile. "Thanks for calling."

Leah nodded, "I'm gonna go, Fatin is taking me for coffee and lunch, I think."

Toni grinned at Leah. "Sounds awful date-y, you gonna kiss after?" 

"Who knows, see where the world takes us." Leah shrugged, playing along. 

"Get the lobster, make her work for it." Toni said, and Leah laughed as she left the apartment. 

Toni walked further in toward Shelby. "Hey, Tex."

Shelby focused on what she was doing. "Yeah?" 

"What's going on?" 

Shelby shrugged, then sighed, and Toni watched as she gripped tightly onto the counter, Toni could see the whiteness of her knuckles.

"Shelby," Toni pressed. "You're scaring me."

"They know," Shelby said, and Toni would have preferred it if she was crying, or angry, but she was just _calm_ , and that was eerie. 

"Okay," Toni said, because what the hell else was she supposed to say.

"They want to send me away, same place as Becca." Shelby said, still calm, still monotone, which was crazy because Toni could feel herself starting to panic. 

But she didn't, that's not what Shelby needed. 

"Where is it?" 

"No idea, I'm not going." Shelby shrugged, and there was an ease to it that made Toni frown, because Shelby looked genuinely happy, or at least relieved. 

"Shelby, are you okay?" Toni frowned, moving closer to cup Shelby's cheeks. 

"I am," Shelby sighed. "I fucking am, Toni. Leah offered me her extra room weeks ago, when I was telling her about my parents. I'm moving in here."

Toni was fucking baffled, she expected Shelby to be far more upset, she didn't expect this to go the way it was. 

"I'm upset, of course I am, I've just lost my parents, but there's this overwhelming feeling of being _free_ that is just overpowering sadness." Shelby smiled, tearful. "I'm fucking free, Toni."

"Yeah you are," Toni kissed Shelby, both smiling into the kiss. 

Shelby wrapped her arms tightly around Toni, holding her flush against her. 

"Do you want to see my bedroom?" Shelby asked, but there was a lilt to her voice that made Toni pause and pull back, narrowing her eyes at Shelby's cheeky little grin. "Leah's gonna be out for a while, and I've heard you're suppose to break in new beds or something."

"You're getting fucking cheeky, Tex." Toni laughed, kissing Shelby, then Shelby pulled back and took off running, Toni chasing after her. 

She got ahold of Shelby's hips, pulling her around and pushing Shelby against the wall by her door and kissed her, but they were both still laughing and giggling so it wasn't much of a kiss. 

At least until Shelby's hands wandered down Toni's hips, to her ass, pulling Toni closer, and Toni groaned. 

"Mm, that's a noise I love." Shelby muttered against Toni's lips, voice low and gravely, reaching behind her to open the door. "In, on the bed."

Shelby took charge often, but never like this, never giving orders with that tone, but Toni fucking loved it. 

"Yes, ma'am." Toni said, initially joking, but there was a shift in Shelby's eyes that made Toni pause, then grin. "Now that's _definitely_ gonna be something we explore, Tex."

Toni gave Shelby a sweet kiss, feeling a little smug as she went inside to sit on the bed, her stomach tingling with antisipation. 


	12. Chapter 12

Things got good again. 

Toni worked hard, trained hard, and hung out with her friends. She enjoyed her summer, she was happy. 

So, of course her mother threw herself back onto her life. 

This was the third time this had happened. 

The first time she was seven, and Toni was so fucking happy to just have her mother home, stoked that she was going to have a really fucking family. That lasted two months before Toni came home to an empty house. 

It happened again when Toni was twelve; and Toni was stupid enough to be just as excited as she had been the first time. It lasted longer this time, nine months, but it should've been nipped in the bud a month in when she started using again. 

But Toni wanted this so fucking much that she struggled through. She cared for her junkie mother while trying to maintain to all of her friends that she was okay, she was doing good. 

She wasn't, she was having thoughts someone at her age shouldn't be, she stopped going to school after three months, she couldn't keep it up. 

The night it all came to a head was one of the most terrifying nights of Toni's life, and solidify in her mind that, this woman who no good for her. 

Her mom, technically, didn't do anything wrong, she passed out on whatever she was taking, but then her dad appeared, pissed at the fact she had a new boyfriend, not even spairing Toni a glance as he went after the guy. 

Toni stared wide eyed when the guy pulled a gun, no hesitation in his movements as he shot her head square in the chest. 

And Toni just watched as her father stumbled back slightly, sharing at the gun, then at the wound then, of all the times to finally look at Toni, he looked her square in the eye as the blood stared leaking from her mouth, then he fell to his knees. 

Left. 

Gurgled sounding breath. 

Right. 

Face. 

And that was it. Her dad was just lying there staring at her, blood leaking from places it shouldn't, then it was like something in his eyes just switched off. 

There was one last hiss of breath. 

Her dad was dead, and her step dad didn't give a fuck, dropping the gun onto the table and disappeared into the kitchen. 

Toni took of rubning, for some stupid reason not leaving the house for help, instead heading upstairs to her bedroom. She hid in the bottom of her cupboard, same place she would hide when her mother's boyfriend was angry and would come looking for her. 

She didn't move when she heard the the sirens outside, and the police didn't even find her on the first search, only coming looking for her when Child protection showed up and told them she was there. 

Her mother was still there when they finally found Toni, Toni wrapped around a police woman as she was carried out. The woman was trying to shield Toni from it all, but Toni spotted her mother. 

She was on a gurny, lips blue, body limp. 

Toni, tiny Toni who hadn't eaten properly in months, fought against the police officer to get to her mother. And that was it, she didn't see her mom again after that, didn't find out she was even alive until three days after being at that foster home. 

So, when her mother showed up again, at her front _fucking_ door, Toni was filled with so much fucking rage. 

She wasn't a kid anymore, she understood now that her mother was just a fucking deadbeat, she was never interested in looking her up. 

Toni wasn't even the one who opened the door, it was Fatin. 

"Uh, Toni?" Fatin called, and Toni pushed herself up onto her elbows to peer over the back of the sofa, everyone else in the room looking too, though none of them could see Fatin or the door. 

"What?" Toni called, shuffling out from under Shelby's legs, that were draped over her midsection. There was an odd feeling in her chest that something was wrong. 

Then Fatin appeared, followed by her mother, and Toni stopped dead. 

She looked awful, eyes sunken, far too thin for someone so tall, and Toni knew right away she wasn't at all clean. 

"What the fuck are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?" Toni watched the way the hope disappeared from her mother's eyes, couldn't really bring herself to care. 

"I get it from social services," She explained.

"Why?" Toni scowled. "The government won't give you money for me for long, ma, I'm not worth the effort at this point." 

"Toni, that isn't what this is about."

"Isn't it? Isn't that what it's always about, ma?"

"I just-I want to get clean, Toni, I'm going to," Toni didn't believe it for a second."I just--I need a little help."

And it dawned on Toni all at once what the fuck this was. 

She was seventeen, with a reasonably good income, and a place in a luxury apartment building. This wasn't a reconnection at all, this was to ask for something. 

Toni laughed, her entire body fucking _burning_ with anger. She shook her head and bit the corner of her lip, fists clenched by her side.

"You know, _ma_ , for a shakedown like this to work, the person you ask for money has to give a shit about you." Toni shrugged, taking a few steps closer to her mother. "You burnt those bridges fucking years ago." she was toe to toe with her mother now, still smaller, still feeling like a child as she stared up at her mother. "You can rot for all I care."

Her mother frowned, genuinely looking a little hurt at that statement. "Toni-" 

Toni shook her head. "Nah, ma, I don't wanna do this again, it fucked me up the first two times, but at least those first two times you tried to be clean at first."

"Toni, I am trying. I just need--just one more, then I'm going to this thirty day rehab center."

"I don't even--Holy fuck." Toni shook her head in disbelief, heading for the door. 

"Toni," 

Toni stepped past her mother quickly when she reached out to touch her. "Follow me, but don't fucking touch me."

Toni was gone before anyone could question it, and she heard her mother scramble after her but Toni didn't look back, rocketing down the stairwell and out of the building. 

"Toni, sweetheart," 

"Sweetheart fucking nothing," Toni cut in, wheeling around to face her mother. "What do you want, ma?" 

"I want my little girl." she said, and everything in Toni wanted to believe her, and part of her was sure that part of her mother really meant it. 

But Toni was never number one, not with anyone, and especially not with her mother. 

"You don't, you never have." Toni shook her head, tearful all of a sudden, and her mother stepped forward, cupping Toni's face, and Toni wanted to jerk away, but she felt powerless, almost sinking into her mothers touch. 

"Of course I have," The woman frowned. "sweetheart, you're all I've ever wanted."

Toni shook her head, lightly enough that her mother didn't move away. 

"S'not true," she said, hating how her voice broke as she spoke. "S'not. Can't be, or else you would've stayed clean, you would've been there. If I was good enough I wouldn't have had to go through the system, foster fam after foster fam. No sense of fucking stability cause my mom can stop fucking shooting up."

"It's not that simple, Toni."

"It _could_ be, should be." Toni said, shoving her mother away, causing her to stumble slightly, but stayed standing. "I'm your daughter, how is that not enough."

Her mother didn't say anything, but that was more than enough for Toni, who turned her back to her mother as she wiped at her face. 

"Uh," Toni sniffed, reaching into the pocket of her jeans for her wallet, taking out all the cash she had in there, a little over a hundred bucks. "Here," Toni turned, throwing the money at her mom, who scrambled to pick it up. "Shot yourself into a grave for all I care. And if you show up here again I'll break your fucking nose, you understand. This is it, I'm done, do not come near me again."

Toni headed back inside then, a huge part of her hoping, preying, her mother would come after her. Would hug her and give her the money back. Would tell her she didn't need it, all she wanted was Toni.

She didn't, of course, and Toni felt her heart fracture just a little. 

Everyone stood to attention when she went back inside, but Toni didn't let them speak, instead grabbing her bike keys and leaving again. 

She was halfway down the hallway when she heard Shelby call after her.

Toni stopped dead, because she couldn't just ghost anymore, she wasn't able to drop off the map, that wouldn't be fair to Shelby. 

"Hey," Toni forced a smile as she turned to Shelby, but her eyes were tearful, her voice heavy. "Look, I- uh, I just gotta-" 

"I know," Shelby nodded, holding up her jacket. "It's cold outside, I know you need a bit of space but I can't let you freeze."

Toni smiled, and genuine fucking smile, even when her chest was aching, taking the jacket. 

"Thanks, Tex. I'll keep you posted, yeah?" Shelby nodded, and Toni turned to leave, only getting a few steps before she turned around and marched right back, their lips connecting a little harder than Toni had meant. 

And Shelby groaned a little at the impact, but immediately latched into Toni and held her so fucking tight, and something in Toni eased.

She was loved. She was good enough, otherwise Shelby Goodkind of all fucking people wouldn't be there with her. Kissing her. 

"I _fucking_ love you, Shelby." Toni said with a surprising level of aggression. 

"And I love you, Toni, I hope you know that. I really hope you know just how loved you are." 

And she was loved. She was loved by people who had seen the ugly side of Toni, the side that had caused so much damage and distraction, and stayed anyway. 

And then there was fucking Shelby, who looked at Toni with a tenderness that Toni had never experienced before, like Toni was the most precious thing in her life.

Sometimes Toni wondered why Shelby loved her, or how long it would take for Shelby to get to know the real her and realise she wasn't worth the effort, but not once have Toni even doubted that Shelby loved her, it's written all over her face every time she so much as glances at Toni. 

Even now, with all this anger, and hate, and just fucking _need_ to destroy, Shelby still looked at her with so much love. Even with one of the ugliest parts of Toni on full display, Shelby still looked at her with love. 

"Drive safe, okay? You kind of owe me a back massage."

Toni huffed out a laugh, shaking her head at Shelby as she took a step back. 

"Be home soon, Tex."

"Take all the time you need," Shelby assured. "I'll text you when I'm heading home, you can do with that what you please."

Toni ended up at the gas station, because Ricky didn't ask questions, he let's her sit in the back, relax with Ginger and watch basketball on his cable TV. He'd give her snacks under the pretense it was 'the last of the freebies', his smile always kind. 

And Toni was hit again by that feeling of being loved when Ricky threw down the peppa pig yoghurts she liked but never told _anyone_ about. He didn't say anything, just groaned as he pushed the door open to the counter, like this wasn't one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for Toni. 

It might not be by the one person Toni wanted to love her her whole life, but Toni was loved by good fucking people. This told Toni she was doing something right, that these good people loved her, so there must be something redeemable under all the anger and hate that they can see and Toni can't.

When Toni got home the house was quiet. Everyone's bikes were still outside, but when Toni stepped inside it was dark, bar the light for the balcony, where she could see Shelby's bun peeking over the plants out there. 

Toni shrugged off her jacket and grabbed the hoodie on the sofa, whose it was she wasn't sure, and pulling it on before heading outside. 

Shelby glanced over at her little smile pulling on her lips as she turned her eyes back to the mountains. 

Toni fell down beside her, curling into Shelby, and Shelby accepted with a smile and a kiss, all but pulling Toni onto her lap. 

"I don't want to see her again." Toni admitted quietly. 

"I don't blame you," Shelby said. 

"I don't-I should care, Shelby, shouldn't I?" Toni frowned, straightening slightly. "I should care that she's struggling, I should want to help. But, fuck, Shelby, I just don't."

"Why do you feel like you should feel any kind of way?" Shelby asked. 

"'Cause- I mean, she's my mom."

"Is she? Because she was never around, the closest you had to a mom was Dot." Shelby teased. "You feel how you feel, honey, there's nothing wrong with that, only you know how much pain she's caused you and if she is redeemable."

"I guess you now knew where all my issues started, huh." Toni laughed, then sniffed. 

"It's always the parents, huh?" Shelby said, her hands finding Toni's and squeezing;1, 2, 3. "I love you."

"Still, even after all this?" Toni snorted, looking down at their hands as she fiddled with Shelby's fingers. 

"Even more so, after all this. I'm proud of you." Shelby said, and Toni was under baffled as to why. "I've heard a lot of stories about you, Toni. I've seen the anger, saw it when we were kids, I know how out of control it got for a while but how you dealt with this? You just--you dealt with it so well, Toni. So, yeah, I'm proud of you for that."

Toni felt her throat seize up, because it had been so fucking tough to not go get drunk and try and fight a trucker, wrecking the bar in the process. All she wanted to do was do something that would've ended with her in cuffs, that would have fucked with her scholarship. She was just happy it wasn't going unnoticed, how hard Toni was trying to be better. 

Shelby didn't say anything else after that but Toni could feel it. The comfort, the calm, the _nothing has changed_. 

Toni was on edge for the next while, a little more testy than usually, to the point the girls started keeping their distance just in case. 

Toni was just waiting. Waiting for that call to tell her her mother was dead, she was dead on the shit she got with the money Toni gave her. The money Toni gave her as she told her to kill herself. 

But the longer time went on, the less on edge Toni felt, she would have shot up the money Toni gave her weeks ago, if she died now it wasn't on Toni. 

\--

Toni had just wanted to go for a nap when she got home, having worked well into the night and early morning on a car that had came in and needed to be finished quickly. 

And it would have been finished that day had Toni been on it, but the new guy, Freddie, was on it and made everything worse so Toni was asked to work a double to get it done. 

Toni should really have learned by now to expect the unexpected. That anything could happen and she really shouldn't be surprised, that she should be prepared for everything.

But nothing could have prepared her for coming home and Shelby having given herself a buzz cut.

She finally got home at one in the afternoon, basically sleep walking inside, she honestly thought it was a dream, or a hallucinations. 

Shelby was sitting on the sofa with Leah and Dot, all watched carefully for Toni's reaction which was just shock. 

"Toni?" Shelby sounded unsure, nervous, and Toni hated it. 

"Brittney moment, huh?" Toni teased with a little smile, hopefully calming. 

Shelby laughed, relieved. "Something like that."

"I like it, makes you look tougher than me now, which is unacceptable, but I like it." Toni said, smirking. "I'll need to find something else to hold onto when-" 

"Okay," Leah spoke loudly. 

"I think that's quite enough." Dot agreed. 

Toni laughed loudly, motioning toward her room. "I'ma go nap, coming?" 

Shelby agreed immediately, laughing at Dot and Leah's teasing whistles.

Shelby climbed onto the bed whole Toni stripped off, pulling on what she was sure was one of Leah's shirts - they didn't know anyone else tall enough for a shirt that big-before joining her. 

Shelby rested her head on Toni's shoulder, cuddling in as close as she could. 

And Toni found herself running her hand over the short hair on the back of Shelby's head, enjoying the feeling against her fingertips. 

"Toni," Shelby chuckled. 

"Mm?" Toni hummed sleepily. 

"What're you doing?" 

"It feels nice," Toni admitted. "What made you do it?" 

"It was pretty similar to Britney," She admitted with a laugh. "My hair was what my mom loved most about me, I think. She messaged me today, telling me if I wasn't home within the month that I would never be let back."

"So you buzzed it off," Toni hummed, nodding, impressed. "It looks good."

"I just saw the cutters sitting there and then I looked in the mirror and parts of my hair were missing. Leah looked shocked, then I looked at myself and I was so sure you weren't gonna be attracted to me anymore." Shelby admitted. 

"I'm not attracted to you 'cause your pretty blonde hair, or beautiful eyes, or lovely smile. In the beginning, sure, but I've learned so much about you, I fell in love with you, not your hair." Toni pulled Shelby closer, kissing her forehead. "I love you, and I love the look, it suits you, and it's nice to run my hand over, so win win."

Shelby smiled up at her, soft and so full of love. 

"You're beautiful," Toni said with a little smile, cupping Shelby's cheek, the pad of her thumb making calming strokes on her cheek bone. "So beautiful, I'm so lucky." 

Toni kissed Shelby, first a few pecks on the lips, then on her cheek, then all over her face, making Shelby giggle and push at her shoulder. 

"Nu-huh," Toni argued, pushing Shelby onto her back with the force of the kiss she planted on her lips. 

Shelby squealed and giggle but kissed Toni back, her hand wrapping around the back of her neck. 

"So," Toni started, situating herself on top of Shelby, elbows either side of her head as she peered down at Shelby. "How do you feel about a date day on Tuesday?" 

"A date _day_ , huh?" Shelby tilted her head curiously. 

"Yup, I have it all planned out, I just need you." Toni smiled down at her, her finger tips tickling the skin on Shelby's side. 

"What're we doin'?" 

"Okay, picture this, Tex;" Toni laid fully on Shelby, her hands clasped over Shelby's sternum, chin resting on them. "We have sex on Monday night to tire us out so that we sleep in on Tuesday."

"Toni," Shelby laughed, playfully flicking Toni's forehead. 

"We sleep in, get brunch in that place you like uptown, go shopping --I need new sneakers-, get that amazingly gross bubble tea shit you love, go for a walk along the pier and watch the sunset there."

"That sounds amazing."

"Oh, I ain't done, Honey." Toni grinned crookedly, and Shelby hated how much she loved it when Toni mimicked her accent. "Once the sun sets we go home and grab Dot's camping shove and shit and we drive. I know this place, you can see the stars really well. I got Dekes truck, so we can lay in the back, he has this dope heated liner in the bed because he's a ladies man, ya know. We can have soup or something for dinner, make some tea, watch the stars."

Toni expected a joke about whether they wanted to get in the bed of that truck at all, but Shelby was just staring at her with damp eyes and a sweet smile.

"It's optional, Tex, you don't have to spend all day with me." Toni laughed. 

"I wanna spend forever with you." Shelby admitted, and Toni's chest just fucking exploded.

She teared up, and she knows Shelby saw it, so she cracked a joke. "God, that's _so gay_ , dude."

Shelby laughed, loud and free and, fuck, Toni was so in love. 

"Fuck. Off." She shoved Toni off of her, though Toni only ended up half off of her. 

"Is that a yes to date day?" Toni asked. 

"That's a yes to date day, honey."

"Dope," 

Shelby snorted, wrapping her arms around Toni. "Dope," She mimicked, and Toni pinched her side in retaliation, grinning when she squeaked in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is probably going to be the end of this fic. If I write anything more I'll update it but as of right now I don't have any plans to continue it.
> 
> Thank you so much for you already lovely feedback, it's really appreciated. 
> 
> Let me know what you think?  
> Thatoneloser-kid.Tumblr.com


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